The Father Difference
This podcast is about helping dads become better fathers.
It’s for dads who want to make a big difference in their kids’ lives (and be the best dads they can be) and want their children to have a loving and present father to help them.
It’s the reason we call it The Father Difference.
When God the Father makes a difference in us, we can make the same difference in our children's lives.
Imagine being the father God desires you to be, actively contributing to your children's dreams and future. Being a dad in their life story is crucial, and I believe it’s your most important role in life.
It only takes one Loving Father to change the course of a family for generations - and one perfect heavenly Father to begin the process in us.
We will post new podcast shows weekly.
It is our hope that The Father Difference will equip you to become the father you were meant to be.
I have coached and equipped men for 34 years in 14 countries.
Will you Join Me?
Praying for you - Ed McGlasson
The Father Difference
Navigating Spirituality and Parenthood: A Chat with Tom Crandall
Get ready to embark on a real-life journey of transformation and faith with our inspiring guest, Tom Crandall. An integral part of the Bethel Young Saints group, Tom relates his powerful narrative of finding truth and purpose amidst struggles and bad choices. From his life-defining encounter with God's love to the radical shift in his life's trajectory, Tom's story will leave you awestruck.
We dig into some deep conversations with Tom, exploring the significance of creating a dwelling for God's presence at home. You'll hear about Tom's astounding feat of leading 125 students to Christ using a book gifted by a campus minister. Listen to how a divine moment in a school full of children led to an overwhelming rush of over 1,300 young souls willingly committing their lives to Jesus Christ. We also explore the crucial role of faith in nurturing the next generation and how we, as parents, can step up our game to effectively guide them in their spiritual journey.
As we progress, we delve into the profound impact of fatherhood and the transformative power of God's love. Hear from an orphan who felt the warmth of God's love early in his life and witness the potential of a fatherless generation to be transformed by God's power. We also touch upon the indispensable role of speaking life into our children and the significance of authenticity in reaching out to the next generation. As we wrap up, we discuss Tom's book, 'Becoming a Man', highlighting the power of a father's love and the importance of guiding our children to become warriors who can change the world.
Want to become the father you were meant to be?
Check out my free resources that will encourage and equip you to make the most significant difference you can.
https://linktr.ee/edmcglasson
And so I think, as mothers and fathers I mean I think we have we're connected to heaven, man we have an obligation to see what the Father sees and declare that over this generation and see what they see People are looking for. Who am I, what's my value and what's my dreams? And the Father imparts all those things.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the man of Honor podcast, where we help men just like you win the biggest game of all in life love and family. Your host, ed McGlassen, has been coaching and speaking to men for the last 40 years in 14 countries. He's a five-year veteran of the NFL, a pastor, life coach, best-selling author, and has been married for over 40 years, blessed with five adult children, 10 grandkids, with three more on the way. And now here's Ed.
Speaker 3:Well, welcome to the man of Honor podcast, and I got another young squire. He's a younger than me, but he's one of those If you follow him at all and you've heard him preach and lead. He's one of these young firebrands that's become one of the spiritual fathers of this next generation of young people that we need so desperately right now, and God is doing something with him, and so I'm just so honored today to have Tom Crandall. He's part of a Bethel Young Saints group that's one of the. That's your Instagram, right?
Speaker 1:That's one of. It's one of them. Yeah, I'm on the senior leadership team at Bethel. I oversee evangelism and young saints and so yeah, you oversee evangelism.
Speaker 3:You just, you know, clean the nets. You just make sure the nets are getting out there for the kids. I'm just just toss them Just keep tossing, yeah you have the same hard idea which I love so much in what you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So tell us a little bit before we get into kind of what you're doing in ministry. How did Tom get this to this place where the father has kind of been shaping you or these young people? Tell me about how you met him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah, and no, I was never Mormon and I only have one wife. Just get that out of the way. Yeah, I preach all over and I'll introduce myself and say that, and I can just feel the crowd kind of get tense and so I'll just break it up.
Speaker 3:Like how can you have two they? Have like 10 women working on you. You come home as a man. How do you survive that? Oh?
Speaker 1:I just don't know.
Speaker 3:I think what they? They just keep asking wives hoping to get one is not going to nag them off the top.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know they're going to just don't work, man. So yeah, born and raised in Salt Lake, I knew God as a kid, growing up in a Christian home, and then started hanging out with the wrong friends junior, high school and high school. You know the old saying goes show me your friends and I'll show you your future. Yeah, and started hanging out with the wrong kids and I just started making choices that were contrary to my faith, walked away from God and then pain started punching me in the face around 17, 18 years old, you know, and I began to just cry out like say God, if you're really want to know you? And long story short, I began to read the Bible for myself. I was being challenged in my faith by the Mormon culture. I never believed even for a second that Mormonism was the way, because I could just see all the lies and all the stuff.
Speaker 1:Long story short, I began to have these encounters with God in my living room, reading the Bible. And then one Sunday night, I'm at church and my dad, my dad. I looked at my dad and somebody preached a message. Couldn't tell you what they said, but at the end they said if you want more of God, come down here and I said to my dad I'm going to go down there. So I went up front, I sat down on my butt and I prayed this really deep, theologically impressive prayer. Ready, I said.
Speaker 1:I said God, I'm here, and the presence of God just came and overshadowed me and I felt, I felt like liquid love go right through me and he just said he said three words I'm cleansing you. And I began to weep. I had snot hanging from my face to the floor. It was an absolute mess, just encountering the love of the Father. He wasn't throwing my sin in my face, he wasn't beating me, he was just. I felt known and loved and holy. I got up light man, I was different and changed my life and then set me on a trajectory of just. I just want to see other people come to know God like I just encountered.
Speaker 3:Well, you get. You know, your story is so, so close to mine. I had an injury in college and dorm room in the dark with ice packs on my knee and the sky knocks on my door and he goes you got everything going for you, but you lack one thing. And I said what's that? He said Jesus Christ, wow. And I looked at him and I said what's he going to do for me here, pointing at my ice packs, like where's God? I'm not a church kid at all, yeah. And he didn't get into a conversation. He just opened his Bible and read for God, so loved the world.
Speaker 3:And when I heard the word of God for the first time in my life, when I heard that God loved me, he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him, faith comes by hearing yeah, I actually say this in my testimony I felt like a waterfall of liquid love poured out of heaven all over me and I had snot coming out of my ears. I mean I had not even lost a football game yet. I mean I was done. And the next I mean I was just. And then he looks at me he's a Presbyterian campus minister who didn't really believe in healing, but he puts his hand on my ice bag and goes he'll add me in Jesus name. Well, the next morning I wake up. I felt like it. I just something's different.
Speaker 3:I know one verse in the Bible well pray, to simple prayer, and receive Christ in my life. And so I go. You know, I call him on the phone and I go okay, um, like a bill. Oh, by the way, he goes, you're not in the hospital. I go. No, god healed my knee. I got healed what?
Speaker 3:No no we got one and I said what do I do with my life? What's my first step? I don't even have a book. He goes. You remember that little book I gave you from Bill Bright, the Four Spiritual Laws? Grab it, go into the quad, find somebody and read it to him and leave him to Jesus. That's what he tells me. Wow, I'm not even like hours old, I'm fresh baked, right. Yeah, the book went to a Hardee's restaurant in Young South State University, looked around, saw this really cute girl that's in my fifths class and I figured well, why would God want to say a cute?
Speaker 1:one, why not her? Why not her?
Speaker 3:You know. And I said hey, have you heard of the First Spiritual Laws? She goes what are those? I was so nervous that I just jumped over and I started reading it. I didn't even look up Second, third, fourth, tenth, fifteenth page. If you'd like to receive Jesus as your Savior, pray this prayer, dear Jesus. And I heard dear Jesus. And I looked up and she's weeping. Wow, see, evangelism is creating a moment for Jesus to show up in that person's life. And when he shows up, bam she receives Christ.
Speaker 3:I almost wanted to do a chest bump with her, but get her high five. I called Bill and I said hey, bill, bill, I you know, I got a girl. You got a. What A girl. No, eddie, I want you to go pray for something. No, no, no, I did the book thing. You let somebody to cry. Some would yeah, god, he let some nice for that year ahead of 125 students that I got to lead the Christ with that little book on my university and I was hooked.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:And it's like well, why, why shouldn't I?
Speaker 1:Right yeah.
Speaker 3:Same. How are you? Yeah, so you have this with Jesus at this new beginning. What happened next?
Speaker 1:I, just I started plugging into my youth group and I started serving. I started serving at my church, I bought a guitar, I started worshiping in my room and just I did the same thing.
Speaker 3:I got it. I got a guitar, I started worshiping. Go ahead, me and you. Yeah, we're like twins.
Speaker 1:Come on, I know man, I got lost in the presence in my room and the place that used to be a den of sin was now a habitation for the presence of God.
Speaker 3:Holy, holy, holy is the Lord.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell kids all the time I'm like go to your room. Here's what I did Annoy your bed with oil.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And each part of your door, your room, and just make a declaration that this place belongs to God Absolutely. And when I did that, all of the sexual nasty dreams at night they stopped and my room became a habitation for the presence of God.
Speaker 3:And it took me a little longer on that part. Yeah, I had, I, just one of these other girl in my fifth year's class why don't we go to your room to study? And we kind of jumped on our bed and, you know, some of our clothes weren't on all the way and I was pretty jumpy and I, yeah my face.
Speaker 3:I jumped on my bed, my Bible was on my pillow and I was, and I went, oh, okay. And so there I went in my birthday suit with her letter to find right there, so, and I said to her we have testimony time, I'm never calling on you and our fellowship. And so, a year later, I think I'm good, I'm good. And all of a sudden, a year later, bill goes oh, by the way, you, oh Pat, you haven't shared your story. She is like Red is a V. I'm like I think I got to get the science. Okay, I won't tell you who it is, but me and this guy got naked. He jumped on the bed, hit his face on his Bible, fell guilty, and then I received Jesus. I prayed to receive Jesus with no clothes on and the whole room looked over at me. I was cured, I was cured. It's like I got you God.
Speaker 1:You're toast.
Speaker 3:So, anyway, you have this encounter with the Lord, you've got a holy habitation now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm serving my youth group, and then I just wanted to go. I just wanted to help people find Christ, I just wanted to. That was just my desire. And so everywhere I'd go, I just began to witness this everywhere. And then this revival broke out in Pensacola Florida. Long story short, heard about it, my pastors went down there. They came back and said they're starting a school ministry. And I knew in my heart, that's where I'm going. And so, ty, everything lined up and in 1997, fall of 97, I moved to Pensacola, florida. I went to the Brownsville Revival School of Ministry and spent four semesters there, so almost two years, and just got marked deeply for revival.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just got the move where you just sort of you check into that where the presence of the Lord in Jesus shows up on the earth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was just. Ever since then there's been no plan B. And I began to have dreams I didn't know, just desires, like I could see myself being a youth evangelist. And so I began to dream about that and met my wife. We got married September 11th 2001. No, sorry, 1999.
Speaker 1:Yeah 1999, close there and I became a youth pastor around 2002. And just began to reach kids and I did full-time youth ministry for just under 20 years right around 20 years and just reaching kids. And now I started a ministry called One Hope for America just a couple of years ago year and a half ago yeah, I will. We're partnering with churches all across America, mainly right now on the West Coast In Orville. In about a month we're gonna go down there. There's about 40 pastors and leaders that have come together, that are standing together for their city. So we rented the convention center.
Speaker 1:We're gonna do a three-day crusade. But what I'm excited about is we're gonna be doing school assemblies in the high school, in one of the high schools. I'm trying to get into the other schools where we just you know I'm not the power team, okay, but we're gonna go in there and talk about. I started something called Dream your Dream, dreamyourdreamorg, which is school assembly. You wanna teach kids how to dream and it doesn't matter your background, current situation, what race you are, everybody can dream and we're gonna go in and teach kids how to persevere, walk through adversity and let that adversity shape where you are going toward your dreams. So we're gonna do this school assemblies, but then pass out raffle tickets to the whole school and invite the whole school to the crusade meetings at night where we get to preach the gospel.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, there's another parallel when I was playing football in the off season, I would go to high schools, share my testimony and have altar calls. Yeah, come on, we saw between 25 and 30,000 kids in Florida and Texas get saved over about six weeks in assembly. Oh my gosh that's amazing.
Speaker 3:And it was. And I wanna tell you this one I don't share it very often, but we were in Austin cause it's right along, you know what you're talking about. And the second part of Malachi says he's gonna turn the hearts of children back to the father.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's starting to happen. It's starting to bust up right, that's awesome. As kids and I'm in this, you know I got invited to this high school and they said there's a lot of problems here, a lot of racism, a lot of problems. So they brought me into this gymnasium and the whole upper deck of gymnasium are kids and there were teachers with yardsticks, kind of smacking kids to get them to mind. Then an empty bleacher.
Speaker 3:And then there was me there with a friend of mine who's a guitar player and he lead in a few worship songs and so as he sits down, I'm standing there and getting ready to introduce me. I hear his day. Let me do it this time. So I looked over at Milton and Milton used to open Willie Nelson been a long-term friend of mine and I said what do you wanna do? He goes I didn't talk to you. I go yes, you did. Come on, man, no mess with me, what do you wanna do? So I'm sitting there, the guy's still introducing me, and he goes. I hear it again. Let me do it this time.
Speaker 3:And I look back at him and I go wait, what do you wanna do? He said maybe it's the Lord. Then it strikes me and I said, lord, what do you wanna do? I wanna save all these kids. What do you want me to do? Nothing. So I stood up there at the little podium do I share? Do I do anything? And I saw something and the kids were thinking I was afraid of talking. So they started making fun of me. And I looked and I saw something. It started on the ceiling and it looked like what it did in my house when I burned a TV dinner in a middle of the night not too long and it started to descend and it was just almost like smoke.
Speaker 3:But now I know it was the glory of the Lord and it's the attention on the children. They snapped to attention and I said at the end I said, if you've never fully given your life to Jesus Christ, come. And it was a stampede.
Speaker 3:They were running and they were being delivered, they were crying, they were shaking and I'm just, I'd never seen anything like this. I'm just looking and then all of a sudden I felt this thing around my leg and it was the principal. And the principal was hugging my leg and he was confessing that he was having an adulterous relationship and I'm like did you get off my leg?
Speaker 3:I wanna hear all this. You know, and I had no grid and there's TV cameras there and they're starting to feel they go. What's going on? I go, it's Jesus. It's the best we could tell. And, counting up, we had 1,300 kids out of 15,. 1,600 kids give their life to Christ that day.
Speaker 1:Unbelievable.
Speaker 3:And remember leaving that and just and the Lord said the time is coming or you're gonna see this.
Speaker 3:That's amazing when he's sovereignly Moving and they've counted, and I was gonna talk to you about this. I mean, the culture thinks they're holding up their arms going we got them, we're gonna write woke under their name. We're gonna write any identity we want under name. We're gonna become their daddy. But they don't know that kids have been marked by God and the very ones they're trying to woke out are waking up. The fire of God is gonna be in their belly, that's right, and they're gonna rock the world, that's right, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Wow, preach the gospel in school, that's amazing. Yeah, I mean now we can't do that, we have to.
Speaker 3:Well, you gotta have the right principle. I even had a Jewish high school who heard about that event in Texas, invite me and falsely thinking I was just gonna do a motivational speech. And when I walked on the stage, all these Jewish mothers showed up and started screaming with the police and they came up on the stage to arrest me. I didn't even talk to you, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:I was like I'm not gonna let this girl, girl in the crowd going. Let him speak. He has the words of life. They couldn't shut me up. They're grabbing me off the stage and I'm just sharing Christ and if you want to receive Jesus, you can leave this campus. They're throwing me off the campus. You can meet me off the campus and I'll be over there to introduce you to Yeshua. Look at your life and all these kids start getting up and running out the door with me and the principal.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, it was going crazy.
Speaker 3:Of course, they never invited me back.
Speaker 1:That's okay.
Speaker 3:Dang. Well, you know, you know, you know part of this is that God loves these kids. That's right, and all he needs is some firebrands who go. I'm gonna go get them, help them with you, lord, I'm following you and you carry this on, you, brother, I see it, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't see it very often, because I see a lot of guys who are really worried about their anointing and about you know, it's like the Charismaniacs love about being anointed and getting worse, but the sons of the father they only care about. You know, depopulating the orphanage and bringing kids into a place where they encounter the father they've always wanted. Yes, come on.
Speaker 1:That's the answer.
Speaker 3:It is. So tell me, let's shift a little bit and share with them. They're listening going. There's two crazy people right there. Amen, we're totally crazy, come on I am crazy A lot of shots in football. That's okay, but what is what are? You know? Share with some of the parents out there that are listening about what you see in this next generation, that's that they're desperate for and how they can be better parents of reaching them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I I don't know. I heard this quote came out of me years ago. What we believe, what we believe about the next generation, is what we will see in the next generation, and I'm believing for good things.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's really easy to look at all the dirt that we see and say, yeah, that's just this generation. But gold miners, they dig for the gold, they push the dirt out of the way. And so I think, as mothers and fathers, I mean I think we have, we're connected to heaven, man, we have an obligation to see what the father sees and declare that over this generation and see what they see. And so I'd like to lead that conversation with that question, with that thought there, a story that God gave me years ago. I read this 15 years ago probably, in the book of Judges, about Jeb's daughter. I think it's Judges, chapter 11. To me, that's where a lot of kids are at today.
Speaker 1:Jeb there was an anointed man of God but was an orphan. He was the son of a harlot and he got rejected by his whole family and then, when they found out they're gonna get destroyed in this battle, we better invite Jeb to back, because he's our only shot at winning. They invited him back. Now he's wanted just what he can do for them. So he's off to battle and on his way to battle he prays a prayer, and I think he prayed a foolish vow. He said God, if you'll give me my enemies and give me victory. I'll sacrifice the first thing that comes out of my house. He was only got one daughter. Scripture doesn't reveal that he has anybody else in this family, and so he wins the battle. I don't think it's because of the vow. I think it's because the presence of the Lord was already on his life. It was before he made the vow.
Speaker 1:And on his way home his daughter comes rebounding out of the house, all excited to see him, and of course an orphan does this. He blames her and says you've ruined my life and rips his clothes. And she said what's the matter? And he tells her I got to sacrifice you now. And she says well, let me go be. Well, my virginity because I never married.
Speaker 1:And so here's a girl who she didn't even have her own name. She was Jeff's daughter. She didn't have value because he would sacrifice the first thing coming out of his house or risk it, and she never got to fulfill her dreams. So in Christ, all those things get redeemed.
Speaker 1:People are looking for who am I, what's my value and what's my dreams, and the Father imparts all those things, and so I think for this generation it's low hanging fruit if we have the right message and the right beliefs as we approach them, if we believe as parents and if we believe what the news says and if we just believe that transgender mania is if a kid walks in. We've had kids come to our youth conference that are flat out boys dressed like girls and vice versa, and we just love them like everybody else and the power of God. I mean just wax them and they're out in the power, getting completely delivered, and we don't treat them any different than anybody else. We don't let the media and the news narrative shape what we're seeing when we see each of these kids. They're just confused, they're just fatherless.
Speaker 3:No, there's no. We only have 80% of the young kids today without dads in their story. Yeah, In our country that's just not in our country. Young kids today go to bed without their birth dad in their story.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. It's the most fatherless generation in history of the world.
Speaker 3:right here it is but guess what God does? And father's generations? Yeah, the father loves adopting kids. He loves it, that's right. His family never gets too big, that's true. And so that's that. Because at the moment of adoption there's a transfer of the wealth of the kingdom, the inheritance of the son in the life of that boy or girl. Come on Right, Galatians. And if a son no longer a slave, and if you're no longer a slave, then you're what You're an heir, yeah yes, right so when the devil is spiking the mat, going bam pin.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're right. When the devil doesn't see it, it says Jesus is bridging underneath that kid. He doesn't have his back on the mat. Jesus put his back on the mat. Yeah, he could be pinned in our state so that we could come up and have the life, yeah yeah, that's exciting Because I believe see the narrative this comes out of the we, the, the media has shaped itself of being an authority, and they have no authority other than political, earthbound authority.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And yet the words that come out of our mouth have great power over our children.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, that's right.
Speaker 3:We can order them and make them a worldly disenfranchised orphan very easily, or we can, because we're a word activated men and women, right the words over us, either do what they elevate us, right, what's this down? That's why when we, when you read your Bible, don't read it, speak it out loud, have it shake off the wall in front of you, have it come back and hit your ears. And faith that comes by hearing and hearing the word of God that's in you, right in your life. Yeah, but as a dad, I you know I had to learn how to speak life into myself, first, mm, hmm, and then out of that speaking into my children and a change their family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3:To manage the mistake I was now learning. To coach, to manage the great talent in my children. Mm hmm, when you just watch him, you start telling your sons what you love about them. They're little chest goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mm, hmm.
Speaker 3:Right what you love about your daughters they release their beauty.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, because of those words, that's. I said you got, you got some kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got two kids. Yeah, 14 and 18.
Speaker 3:Boy girl or boy boy.
Speaker 1:My, my daughter's 14 and my son is 18. That's awesome. Yeah, I've been married 23 years. I know I look, I look like I got married when I was 12.
Speaker 3:I know but you got that 12 year old face, that clean living, and so you're. What's your wife's name, leslie? Leslie, and where'd you meet her?
Speaker 1:Ben Florida at the Brownsville Revival.
Speaker 3:Oh boy, she's shaking bacon. I helped too, so she's. Oh, that's awesome, that's awesome he leads.
Speaker 1:She leads first year Bethel School Supernatural Ministry. Oh that's, she's powerful, she's powerful.
Speaker 3:Well, I love what you guys do. We, you know we. We found a lot in my church when I had a vineyard in Anaheim. I had my years we would have the kids go up the Bethel, come back and they're popping and having fun and wow doing life, and that's that's the way it's supposed to be, yeah, so so let me see where we are in time and we're having so much fun. It's going by really fast.
Speaker 2:I know a little bit about.
Speaker 3:we've talked about kids, but that talk me a little bit about what you think God's been saying to you and the way we should reach these kids for the sake of the church today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how to reach these kids. You know, I think love is spelled in two words T I M, e and F O O D. Let's just make it simple.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know what, man? That second word I've been trying to conquer for years. Part of a football player, what's a training table? And you forget, when you're 66, that you're not expelling 12,000 calories a day.
Speaker 1:I'm starting to slow down. At 46, man, oh you're, you're, you're 146 now I'm. I'm 46 years old, but I'm 152 pound, 162 pounds. Wow, you're a beast baby I'm, I'm telling you, I'm getting getting fat down here, I got half of it, that's half me, that's half this.
Speaker 1:So, so it's food and time. Food and time. You know, I mean let's keep my dog over here trying to say hi to me. Come back in there, buddy, Back in your creed. That's okay, he's a good dog. You know my father-in-law. He started a church around 20 years ago. He's been a stone mason for 48 years.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:And he's. He's in his upper 60s and around 10 years ago he saw a need to reach teenagers in his church. He's the most irrelevant old guy for kids you've ever seen in your life. I mean like if you don't work hard, he doesn't get you. That's my father-in-law, I mean he's, he's an awesome guy, but he's just like he was raised by a pretty tough World War II Marine, you know. And so he, just he went, he graduated with straight to work. He didn't know nothing but worked. So he gets on all these kids and he just showed up and was just himself. And you get pizza and he just love on these kids. And he didn't try and change who he was or his clothes or be relevant or any of that garbage. He just showed up and was himself and he ran a youth group every Sunday night.
Speaker 1:For I can't remember how many years 10 years or something like that reaching kids, and so you don't have to. The lie is you gotta be relevant, you gotta be cool, you gotta know the language. I've been around teenagers for so long. I couldn't even tell you what they're watching right now. Somebody just told me uh, some band the other day and said they're the hottest band ever and I'm like I wouldn't have known. I don't care, like being relevant is is not important to this generation. It it can have its place, but I mean, I have had sons and daughters around me that are really relevant and I just let them be them and I'm gonna be me and um and just let the river flow, and you know I mean so many times I think we're trying to figure out how do we reach kids. I just think it's as simple as be yourself, walk with God, pray and um, and just love him right where they're at, and and they, they are looking for the authentic gospel.
Speaker 3:See if you're preaching a message. You don't live when no one is looking.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They don't believe the gospel in you.
Speaker 1:That's true, because you can feel the integrity of the spirit. That's a thing really.
Speaker 3:No, it's like when and when your kids are like whatever yeah, you're preaching a, you're preaching the sermon that doesn't work for you, but when you carry the message and let your kids in on one of the things the Lord showed me to do, because my dad was killed in action, so I didn't have a day with my dad.
Speaker 3:Oh, uh, in Vietnam, or or in the test, pilot in the Navy, okay, and so he had to water at 400 miles an hour on May, the 29th 1956. Wow, about a month before I was born. So I didn't have a single day with my dad.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:And it's just, and I never was adopted. My mom remarried, but he didn't adopt me. So when I was 40 years old, adopted for the first time by God, and it completely write my story because I'd never, I never got to be somebody's son.
Speaker 3:I was football player, I was you know, living life, you know, did all that and you know, but I never. I never just got to be around my dad. I never got to figure out what he thought about me. My mom would say, oh, your dad's looking down from heaven, which kind of screws up a kid because he's got like this invisible. But I always imagine what's he like. And you know, at 40, when I had this encounter with the father, yeah.
Speaker 3:That I never thought I could have. Wow, it righted this, this brokenness in me, and I started to be fathered and at the moment, that was happening, tom, I started to father my kids. Wow, the way God was fathering me.
Speaker 2:You know, that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Second Corinthians 618, paul writes he brings two verses together from the Old Testament, and God says I will be a father to you, and you my sons and daughters.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, God's so long.
Speaker 3:Even so, for the most unfathored of us is that he will be our father wants to adopt us. Good have two dads, yeah.
Speaker 1:I grew up. My dad yeah, my dad yeah, my dad's a great man. He's still alive. I'm blessed to have a good dad. He was a railroader, growing up for Union Pacific Railroad, so he's gone a lot and wasn't always there, you know emotionally.
Speaker 1:And so you know, I grew up, I become an adult and and I'm working through some of this in my own head and and then I had a son and I'm sitting there loving on my son and playing with my son, and then some of those things began to just come up in my heart that I had to take to God and let the Lord heal me and and then I'm working on me. And so I remember I'll never forget the day the Lord spoke to me. He said your son is going to change your life more than you're going to change his, and I was like what does that even mean? I didn't know how to frame that. And so, you know, god became a father in my life, obviously, but but then I've had the opportunity to have a lot of different people in my life that have just been an incredible example of a father to me that I'm so grateful for. I met with one of them this morning on zoom Danny Silk.
Speaker 3:Yeah, great guy.
Speaker 1:Oh man, he's such a legend, just uh, yeah, just just always been there for me. Got to go to Russia one time with Chris Valleton. We just had fun, just had a blast together, and so God's put lots of different fathers in my life.
Speaker 3:I got a verse for you, by the way, with your son. Yeah, when Enoch became a father, he walked with God for the rest of his day. Oh wow, Something happened when he became a father. Yeah, you know man who becomes a dad. He walked with God. I think about you know. You know so part of that, because that's half of you, and that in your boy that's half your wife. You know the broken parts, your wife and your parts.
Speaker 3:Just teasing, just teasing. So you know part of that is that something happens when you begin to experience. You know what it means to love unconditionally. Yeah Right, it changes. You know it happened with. You know one of the most you know I read. I did an interview with a guy who wrote a book called the boy crisis. Yeah, men's group in New York City and had this guy comment how he, for the first time, was, you know, experiencing unconditional love.
Speaker 3:And that his first son. He spent his whole life trying to arrive. But when he had a second son he started to discover unconditional love, even the love of God. And so they're walking after their seminar in New York City and this guy isn't a believer who wrote the book he just associates. And this young person comes up and says Can I have your autograph? And goes, sure, I been writing these books. And he goes no, not you sir Him. So he signs the autograph and kid runs away screaming. And so he looks down at him and goes Are you like somebody famous? Well, I used to have a rock band. Well, what's your name? John Lenin. And he goes the Beatles. He goes yes, he said you know I love people wonder why I left the Beatles. I love Beatles to become a father.
Speaker 3:Wow they really hurt my first son, wow, and he died not too long after that. He got shot by somebody Wow. But there's something that's really powerful and men today are being so devinized and marginalized about fatherhood. It's true, they're. They're terrified. They're terrified Even even a lot of young men, I guess the since Elon's done his deal on Twitter, the relation of young men on Twitter is just skyrocketed.
Speaker 1:Has it really.
Speaker 3:They're looking for men, they're looking for fathers, they're looking for examples, but you know, many of them are afraid of getting involved with girls because they don't want to get somebody pregnant and then have to lose their money that they've earned at the job.
Speaker 3:So you have this culture, that's even back from having sex, not because God's calling them to celibacy until they get married, but, yeah, they're afraid of, they're so fearful they have no fathers in their story. Yeah, so that's a target rich environment, by the way, on Twitter right now For guys like I just started, and it's starting to go Wow, wow. Because these kids are, they're desperate to have a real guy who's not changing to be cool, you like, right, but it's really secure and who he is. Yeah, that's what they want, right.
Speaker 1:It's true. It's true, we just did. I just went to a took my son to a men's conference actually then in San Diego a couple weeks ago. It's called Emerge. You ever heard of Awakened Church there in San Diego?
Speaker 3:I was gonna be there, do you? Went outside, camped out and everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're there to be there, but I got delayed in Hawaii because we had our 40th anniversary. My wife goes. Can we stay a couple more days? Yeah, that's when you say oh yeah, honey, yes dear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's when you say yes.
Speaker 3:So you're an emmerge, so tell me, you're telling me about Emerge.
Speaker 1:So we're down at a merge. It was just an awesome time and what we did was everybody got a two by four. It was about this big and you took this two by four and you wrote everything on it that you were struggling with fear, insecurity, anxiety, just you know, perp, you lost anything else that you were you were struggling with, and so we had to wear that board for two days on our back and put the board on your back and you had to wear it everywhere. And then there's 3000 guys there and then the whole camp gets divided up into 40 guys per team and then we competed all day one day and we go to services at night in the morning. It was just powerful. I would recommend any father you got to get there with your son.
Speaker 1:But there was one point I think one of the highlights for me, a couple of things. They had a, they had a right of passage for sons and the right of passage was this three mile long obstacle course that kids had to you know terrain through and they were they're running and and jumping over 15 foot walls. This obstacle course was designed by a former Marine, so it wasn't, you know, just some easy thing and my son was going through it and at this one checkpoint I went down. I was waiting for him and all of a sudden, there he was. He was running down the hill and just going and I just started yelling tiger, you know, to start cheering him on. He comes around this, this band, and he has to run to his gauntlet, where there's these guys with these pads just nailing kids. Kids are flying everywhere.
Speaker 1:You know, made to make it through all that, had to go get an American flag and then finish the rest of the race, and my desire was to run with him. So I'm running with him. I got on video. I'm going with him like I'm going to finish this race with you, but I'm by with you. This is a prophetic statement. I'm with you for life. Let's go running together.
Speaker 1:And he's 18 years old and in shape and I'm 46. And I pulled my groin like a month ago. So I've been doing nothing to just try and get my body in the place where I can just be there. Yeah, I've been doing nothing. So we're running. And I ran out of gas. Now, I know it's like to push myself, but I had no gas, nothing, nothing. I quit, I couldn't keep going. I was about to throw up and die. He kept going. I finally made it but, man, he and he was up there cheering.
Speaker 1:All the other kids on that were that were running. It was it was amazing One of the greatest sites you know. They had to run all throughout all this terrain in San Diego mountains and hills going up and down, stuff that traverse underneath this. You know this thing in the mud, you know, and these kids are going and somebody's kids. They look like they've known nothing but Minecraft and Xbox, you know, and they're, they're running and it was cool because you had leaders and other boys around these kids that wanted to quit. They just looked like they wanted to die and they had to come up this hill and around this band and they finished at the cross. They came in, they touched across and that was where the finish line was and my son was just sitting there cheering on every kid as they came around the bend and ran up there and it was just leading the way.
Speaker 1:But it was just a powerful sight to see so many boys going through this rite of passage to do something challenging, do something hard that required grit and perseverance and was masculine and manly, yes, and to push through, yeah, and and finish, and then they, then they got an award at the end it was called this Valor award.
Speaker 1:It was just, it was such a great time but my son and I really got to kind of tarts.
Speaker 1:And then, at the very end, the night before the last night before the, the rite of passage you got to run the campfire with all your guys pray together, and then you took off your board and you threw it in the fire. You know, and it was just an awesome time Just being with my son and I think more. I think guys need more things like that. I look back and I'm like I've done things for my son and when he turned around 14 years old, I had a big man party with barbecue and invited a bunch of guys over that have been a part of his life for years and we watched Braveheart together Greatest movie ever and and then at the end I bought him a sword, a Viking sword, a real sword, and I knighted him as a man and then just me and all the guys that were around him just read prophetic words over his life and just spoke life into him and that's the day he became a man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because that's you know, bar mitzvah was. I mean, abraham didn't become a father until God blessed him.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Then they changed his name. He is a father of many nations. Yeah, whatever the father called that son was the destiny of that child. So when you think about you know, you know when he comes back and there's his wife dead with the baby and she names him, he names him son of my sorrow, ben O'Neill. Yeah, and he has just wrestled with Jesus and had his name changed.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:Israel, from, you know, jacob to Israel. He renames that child Benjamin, which means my right hand, wow. So there's that picture again in scripture where the words of a father can change and the name that father calls that son can change the destiny of that child. That's amazing, yeah, that's amazing Right that's the.
Speaker 3:You know that's what the blessing of the father is all through history, to where it's, you know, because what matters to your son more than anything is the words you call him and how you speak. Well, he can. He can become a, you know, he can conquer every obstacle course, which is a great moment. But to have your dad look at you and say you know what I love about you, yeah, yeah, right, that sticks on him, and with school and you'll experience this is you'll hear him say that to your grandkids.
Speaker 1:Wow, I received that man.
Speaker 3:I got 10, with three more coming, and I'm watching my children that I blessed now bless my grandkids. Wow, right in front of me, I'm watching this going. Oh, you are so good.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:That's the way the blessing of the father is supposed to go generation to generation. Yeah, we've had. We've had different events. I used to, before COVID, we would bring all the boys or girls ready to make that walk of you know, become a man or woman. We put back of the church with like many lines depending on the church, and fathers publicly would bless their children and they'd come running down.
Speaker 3:Well church just goes crazy, just goes crazy and it's a train, and then all the kids who didn't have a father call them out. The men stood up and the pastor stood up and called those boys and girls in the manor Danger lot.
Speaker 1:That's a fan. That's a family right there. That's a family.
Speaker 3:That's it is. That's it, man. It's been so good Boy. We've already been cranking an hour here, man we're just running through the field.
Speaker 1:You're like another mother man. I know we encountered God the same way. I didn't lead somebody to Christ naked, but you know that's okay.
Speaker 3:I know it's funny about that, henry Cloud. Yeah, you know, I gave Henry a word years ago and he tells his woman's conference. You know, I'm in the shower and this big naked guy walks in. He looks at me we're at a gym and he goes I got a word from God, you want to hear it? And Henry goes well, can I get dressed first? So he takes me into this other room and he looks at it and says okay, what's your word? He's a really conservative church. At the time he said, and I said to him I said well, you know, I'm not going to go to the church. God's going to use you to speak in front of thousands upon thousands of people all over the world.
Speaker 3:You're going to have a major impact and he looks at the crowd and he says he didn't know anything about me and my biggest fear that I had in my life was speaking in public. He spoke that word, something went into me and God gave me the ability. So I'm really that big naked guy.
Speaker 2:That's what he says. That's hilarious. Oh, that's it.
Speaker 3:Listen, why don't you roll us out just with your best prayer for these moms and dads out there? Yeah not to not be in the way, but help raise children that make demons tremble and knock the other way.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, you know, I want to just release one word and then I'm going to pray. Yeah do it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to pray. Learning how to deal with my own shame is what's kept my voice alive in my kid's lives. Shame will try and silence you. Shame is a liar. There's a healthy shame and an unhealthy shame. Healthy shame is when you do something wrong and feel bad about it. That's called conviction. Right, yeah, it's conviction, but unhealthy. A unhealthy shame is when you know the stuff of the past you've already dealt with. Or am I a good enough parent and you just start disqualifying yourself?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:You just want to back up and go high. I want to encourage every parent and I watching, listening to this Don't listen to the voice of shame. You're doing better than you think. Just the fact that you're still got skin in the game shows that you're winning. I've learned if I just learned, how to repent fast, I can restore anything. Anything can be restored if I just repent, and so I just want to release hope to every parent right now. God even uses our deepest failures and mistakes to shape our kids in great, great ways, and so I just released hope right now over you.
Speaker 1:Romans 15.13 says Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abandon hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. So let us release faith to believe that in every situation, every circumstance that these parents are facing right now, the things that are going on, I feel like somebody just got a kid, just came home and told them something really just negative about their lives, that they're. It could be something like their mom I'm gay, something like that. And I just release hope to you right now to not freak out. The truth will win. The truth is more powerful, and I just release grace right now for every parent to just stand strong in who they are, that the voice of shame would just go away. We just release faith and grace in Jesus' name for every parent to just crush it in this season of life. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 3:Amen, boy, that's powerful man, high five.
Speaker 1:Let's go.
Speaker 3:That's it, man. Bless you, chest bump. Good to be Bam.
Speaker 2:Bam, that's my brother man.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I knocked her out All right.
Speaker 2:Ed.
Speaker 3:So good, good hanging out with you, man. Hey, you too, man. Thanks for showing up for man of Honor. Make sure you check the link. We got a book from Tom there. You got to get it and support him, pray for him, bless him, thank you. If you're around Bethel area, you better be sending your kids there. You'll turn them into warriors and they're going to make you tremble. Come on. Thank you for coming to man of Honor podcast. We also got free coaching piece in the bio for you We'd love to bless you with. Remember it's never too late to become the man God's called you to be A husband and your wife is a dream in about and the father that your children need right now so they can be the warriors that change the world. Bless you, jesus.
