The Father Difference

How God Makes Good Fathers with Dr. Danny Huerta

• Ed Tandy McGlasson • Season 2 • Episode 13

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What if you could make a positive impact on your children that would last for generations? 

What does it mean to be a father in today's world, and how can we best embrace this vital role as a dad? What does it mean to be a father in today's world, and how can we best embrace this crucial role? 

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President of Parenting and Youth at Focus on the Family, to discuss these questions. Together, we examined the challenges modern families face, the confusion stemming from various spheres of life, and the impact of fathers on their children's lives. Dr. Hureta shared his inspiring personal fatherhood journey and how it deepened his marriage, providing invaluable insights for fathers and couples alike.

No matter where you are in your fatherhood journey, this conversation promises to be a helpful guide filled with practical tips, heartfelt stories, and profound insights. So, let's dive into this dynamic exploration of fatherhood together.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Father Difference Podcast. I'm your host, ed McClathson. I am so grateful you're here. Make sure that you subscribe to our podcast channel so that you can get the latest shows that we're gonna be putting up weekly. You don't wanna miss one, my friend, because God has made you to make an amazing difference in the life of your family. God bless you.

Speaker 2:

Dads. Some of them decide they're gonna be best friends with their kids and so it's more of playing, less guidance. And then you have some dads that it's all about rules and work and they're trying to compensate for things that may be missing there and they miss out on the relational aspect of conversation and love and affection, and so it's an unbalanced dad that shows up. It's either all rules or it's all play, or just a dad that is absent, doesn't know what he wants to do and feels ill-equipped and so just leaves the whole scene. I love the word invitation. Do you wanna take the invitation of being dad or not?

Speaker 3:

Welcome to the Father Difference Podcast, where we help men learn how to be the father they were meant to be so that their children can live the life that God has made them for. Each week, you'll find new podcasts and interviews with men who want to make the biggest difference they can. Your host, pastor Ed Tandy McLassen, has been teaching and equipping men in events and conferences for the last 41 years in 14 different countries, and now here's Ed.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you gotta write. We talk about men, right? We talk about men that are living lives of honor, men who are making a difference, men who are standing up and being fathers and standing up and loving their wives and, if they blew it, they're learning how to be single dads and they're learning how to change the world. But, Father, I just thank you, for those that are watching, that you would open their ears to this time and that you would. I'm so excited about having Dr Danny Areta from Focus on the Family. He's vice president of parenting and youth. They're at Focus and also overseas initiatives. That equips moms and fathers with biblical principles and also how to raise healthy, resilient I would add a few more adjectives on there powerful, demon busting children. So welcome to the man of honor, Danny. I'm so honored to have you here. Welcome.

Speaker 2:

No, the honor is mine. What a great invitation to be with you and excited to dig into some things with you.

Speaker 1:

Well, you know, I just been watching some of the things you're doing and just I love a couple of things about you, and you already know this. Well, the God has raised you up not only to be a dad, but to be a spiritual father to a generation. That's completely unfiltered and something profound happens in the life of a young person when he gets to hang around a spiritual dad and then equipping parents to, in many ways, a lot of fathers be the father that many of them didn't get to have but they've always really wanted to be. So, danny, kind of first question give us kind of the health check about what's going on in families right now and why are kids struggling. What would you say?

Speaker 2:

Wow, there is so much happening with families Really. If we look at the different areas of mental health first one and primary one the one that is most important is spiritually, the spiritual aspect of the spiritual culture of the home. Where's that at? It's wobbly right now. There's a lot of confusion. There's an unbalance between husbands and wives. I'm noticing that and also noticing that teenagers are feeling more open to question a variety of things and to explore things that they're finding on social media and other places. So the spiritual aspect is wobbly.

Speaker 2:

That leads to the next one, which is the mental, and then the emotional. The next two. Those are really impacted by the demands that families find themselves in and also the confusion that is coming in on the spiritual side. So when you have those two in confusion, then you look at the physical and the relational and there's a breakdown. With that, the brain starts to break down, the body breaks down relationally. The results are there's a breakdown relationally within the home and then outside of the home, and it begins with the momentum from the spiritual side, the mental and the emotional connectedness in the home. Parents are finding themselves overwhelmed, they're busy and they're also not knowing how to navigate all the different boundaries and limits they need to be placing on. And what we're seeing is kids are finding themselves hopeless and lonely. Depression has gone much higher. Anxiety panic attacks have also gone up to the highest level I've ever seen in my two decades here as a therapist with teens and kids and families.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, boy, that's yeah, that's yeah. How much did you think is related to fathers really not fathers that are raising kids but their dads didn't do much of a job to raise them, so they're just emotionally it's like over the top for them of knowing how to be a good father in the life of their kids. How much of the problem of these young people is related to dads not being really in a place of knowing how to be good fathers?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think there's a big aspect to that where dads some of them decide they're gonna be best friends with their kids and so it's more of playing, less guidance. And then you have some dads that it's all about rules and work and they're trying to compensate for things that may be missing there and they miss out on the relational aspect of conversation and love and affection, and so it's an unbalanced dad that shows up. It's either all rules or it's all play, or just a dad that is absent, doesn't know what he wants to do and feels ill equipped, and so it just leaves the whole scene. And, man, dads, you have an amazing, amazing invitation to impact both your sons and your daughters in very unique ways. So excited to see when dads actually do that. They bring affection and love to high degree and they bring guidance and tensionality and love to high degree, and then what they find themselves in is a real game where they see a connection and the invitation for them, they see a fulfillment of their roles of dad, and that is so satisfying.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it is for men. I know men that go through our. We have a program called men of honor training camp and we bring guides in and teach them and equip them. They come to this place where it's like they wanna be. It's like they wanna have wins in their family, with their kids, with their wife. They wanna be. I ask guys all the time, I mean what it would feel like that one day when your kids tell stories about you, they say I wanna be just like my dad. He's amazing. And they tear up and they're like man. I wanna be that kind of dad and I'm. I'm just like. I wanna be that kind of dad, you know. Yet many of the dads start out with you know really not knowing what it's like to. It's like as a man, if you find it as men, that we're only really able to give away those things we received right. So if our dad didn't bless us and didn't father us and wasn't present with us, it's like our own personal capacity starts off limited with our kids.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'd want to challenge that, because I've heard that many times in the counseling office. Right, a person comes in and they go why didn't receive that? Sometimes these guys get stuck there and they'll realize that there are some guys that have really provided a great, great example around them. And I love what Jesus told the disciples as he left. He said rise, let us go from here. When does that begin for a man? When we were told rise, let us go from here.

Speaker 2:

Today, what is it that you want to become, rather than what is it that you are missing Makes a huge difference, because there's a lot of opportunity to learn some great things. So this is not a shaming or a thing to make dads feel guilty. And when they come in the counseling office, I go yes, let's grieve that, but there's an end to that. And what is it that you want to do as a gift to your kids? And let's look for that Instead of getting stuck there that I never received this. And you're right. The example is so, so important. It's key to a guy knowing what he's going to do. Yet, we're raised by imperfect people. That's right, and ultimately we have scripture and we have other men that we've been able to learn from.

Speaker 1:

Plus, I mean the great promise you know on 2 Corinthians, you know 618,. You know Paul puts these two verses together and says and God says I will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, Says the Lord, god Almighty. So we, we at minimum get two fathers the one that broke dad and if he's like, awesome bonus. But we get the ultimate father of heaven and earth, and the model of the way he fathered Jesus is also available to us. So we don't say you're so right, you don't stay in that place, they're going. Well, I'm stuck and I'll blame my dad for the state of my life. Well, that that just leaves you stuck and wanting, but it's about moving towards that. Now, what have you learned about how you help guys move out of that place of? You know, I'm stuck and, as you know, men are probably the hardest group of men to market to. Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right. They know they got a problem, but they don't want to. They come at him like full force. They go I'm good, I'm cool, right, right. But how do you engage these guys to where they're like, they're open with? You learned about ministering your fathers.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, first, I validate the fact that they have an emotional side to it may not look that way. It may be that they have a hard shell. It's validating the fact that they didn't get what they could have had and that they missed out on some things. Just initially, just relationally, validating that that's very real, it's part of their story. Yeah, had they not gone through that, I wonder who they would be. And so I wonder all the, the, the resilience and grit.

Speaker 2:

I tell them, man, you're strong, you got through some big things and with that you have so much to offer your kids and you don't want to rob them of that.

Speaker 2:

And I talk about what does it mean to be a life giving person? What momentum can you create in your home, instead of you being overrun by your momentums and all of a sudden they're spilling out into your home, and very unhealthy ways? How can you utilize that momentum that came into you, rework it so that the momentum you bring is life giving and with a lot of passion, you transform who is in front of you that you're invited to influence in a mighty way. And so I tell them, man, your opportunity, your invitation is huge, and I'm excited for you and and I'm sad for this part of it and then you know, sometimes the guys have kind of stare at me and look at me like, okay, that's, that sounds great, but how do I, how do I even start? And it begins by I love the word invitation. Do you want to take the invitation of being dad or not? Do?

Speaker 2:

you want that. There we go. You want the invitation of being a man or not, and with that comes a lot of opportunity for you. Yet you need to be steadfast in the way that you love and really understanding who you are, and sometimes with these guys, I'll start off with personality. Do you even know your own personality, who you are? Let's get to know you at a deeper level, taking out the facades and everything to the side, and let's start from there. And then let's start from what. What is it that you want to give us? A gift, because you can be a gift to others, and so let's figure out how we wrap that up.

Speaker 1:

That's so good. I remember, you know, my dad was killed in action, so I never had a single day with my dad. He was a fighter pilot, crashed in Monterey Bay. So I didn't have a stepfather who was a really strong Navy guy. It's the Navy way, right. And so when I started fathering my kids, my model of fathering came out of being raised in a military home and it was all yes, sir, and do this. It was all discipline.

Speaker 1:

And I went to a men's event and just my wife is feeding me books on fathering. They're in the men's reading room, they're in the bathroom, right, and they're about this thick one chapter and I'm blown it by 40 things. I put it back down and so I met this event on James Braille, who another Colorado guy who's in heaven now, who helped, you know, be a part of Promise Keepers he's teaching about. You know, david goes out, slays Goliath and Saul sees him on the battlefield and says to Abner whose son is this you? What he's really said was I want to meet the father who raised a son like this. I heard those words and I saw where I was as a dad. Everything was about me. I realized I wasn't that guy, but I wanted to be that guy. I remember my prayer, right there on my knees, right on the front row. I said God, I'm not that kind of father. Turn me into a father who makes a difference with my kids. And I was like you know, he loves those prayers. That's great.

Speaker 1:

The different other make right, and so it's like this moment for man when they realize that they're not here but they go to this. Really, the only source for men to be changed in anything is when we encounter God, his word, his spirit, his life right. And what was impossible in our family story before is now part of a legacy that we're leaving, you know, through the rest of our generations, and that's just. Do you find that is true with the people you're working with?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely we have. When there are, when men give each other words of affirmation and also of charge, there's Something inside of us that we love, that we respect, that we want that inside and some men just don't know They've never had a man come to them and say hey, I believe in you and I know you've got this word.

Speaker 2:

You're over here and we need to bring that. Come on in right, and they, some many men, just need that. I still remember sitting across the table from my son. I was a young dad, I was a therapist, I thought I had it. You know I'll figure it out right there. You know, just thinking as a young guy, you're like, yeah, I got this. Yeah, and I'm stressed out, wasn't doing well. The marriage thing was kind of wobbly. I had a young daughter as well. She was too. He was, for he was sitting across from me in the kitchen table. She's the two of us. He had his plastic construction set and he had it One of those plastic screwdrivers, and I know I was carrying stride, I know that I looked, I was toxic at the time. It's kind of a darker place still love God and all that, but just not in the best places. And he comes around the table, puts the screwdriver on my side and says daddy, broken, need fixed.

Speaker 1:

Oh my goodness, right from Jesus.

Speaker 2:

Man, I was crying.

Speaker 1:

Broke in these things.

Speaker 2:

Wow. So he puts the screwdriver and, you know, tears start coming out. He probably thought he hurt me, maybe, I don't know, he's right going, man, I put this screwdriver and water comes out of my dad's eyes. Uh, but I was going. Lord, you're speaking directly to my soul.

Speaker 2:

Oh man I still look back at that moment where it was a, it was a complete shift of momentum in my life when I realized, but that that God was speaking to me in that moment, that I needed To hear something to change my direction. And that's the part. Can there be men that have a soft enough heart to hear that? Or we harden like pharaoh, where we need nine different or whatever you know the all we need to have nine signs first right. Yeah, finally get it.

Speaker 1:

What you're talking about is that God's made us From the beginning. The first man Was a word activated human being.

Speaker 1:

Yes let us make man in our image, right. So words have great power and we don't understand that. Our words as fathers towards our kids, harry, this prophetic weight. Well, we can lift them up and encourage them. It's like what you're doing these men, because their word activated, like you are, you're speaking Truth to them In that when you speak God's word to, when you speak that over them, it's like it's got this Incredible power to. It changes the believer inside that guy To where he goes. Well, in Christ, I can do this Right. It's like it changes that believer Inside of him and it makes him just, oh, my gosh, I'm changing.

Speaker 1:

And your son, by the way, that you need that's a book, brother, that's a book. Right there, daddy, I'm gonna tell you you need to write that with that story, a short book, because guys like Bathroom reading size books, right, they, they want to be able to read the whole thing and maybe two. And just that image where your son with that little plastic screwdriver I mean that, what a word to a son, to a father Open this little beginning. Wow, that's awesome what happened.

Speaker 2:

What happened?

Speaker 1:

from that moment then In your life, you, you realize this how did God Begin to father you into that? That man, that husband, that father, that really he designed you to be, that you really want to be Right? How did he start doing?

Speaker 2:

Yep, well, you know, before that time there are foundations for my grandfather, who was a man of God. I observed him as a man of prayer. I think that impacted me. My mom and dad were both. They raised us in a Christian home. They were together. They're both people of prayer, right, they're both faithful in their love of Jesus. Also my grandma with my grandma. So a lot of faithfulness there to set a foundation. Now I'm in my marriage and things are getting wobbly. I'm getting a little bit further away from really depending on God and more depending on me. And then the pridefulness kicking in instead of the humble heart, and that moment of brokenness helped me realize man, I need help.

Speaker 2:

So I went in for counseling with my wife, we went in together, we got that and I gathered four men that I asked to be mentors in my life and to speak into my life to open that up, and that has been fantastic. I still meet with a couple of those guys, and that was a long time ago. My son's now 19.

Speaker 3:

Wow, 19.

Speaker 2:

And I'm still meeting together 19 years old, and it's been fantastic to be able to receive life-giving words from other guys and, in correction, life-giving correction from them along the way. And it was a moment where my heart was taken to a place of moldability and pliability by God, because the softness of what I felt towards my son, the love towards him where I would give my life for my son, and to know that he saw that and that God spoke through that, it just totally softened the heart.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because you know we enter those times when we're having our bad fathering moments For me anyway, yeah Is when my identity shifts from just being a son to being a preacher, pastor, evangelist or whatever. But when I'm measuring myself and my output on those identities which really in Scripture they're just graces and roles we play, it's not our true identity Then what happens is because we can lose our job, we can not put a football anymore than who are you? A lot of my friends, you know, stop wearing the jersey and they're. They've been struggling ever since.

Speaker 1:

They don't know who they are, and especially with men, when that sense of identity is something that's lost and he's not sure about who God's home would be. He just, you know, he struggles and he goes home, and now home requires this emotional energy, right, and he's been spending all day long feeling horrible about who he is. And he comes home and it's like you're late, you know, I know, you know, and all of a sudden it just piles on instead of you know being in that place. And so that's the question of the question. You know how? How did this kind of you know, a new found place of being a father, begin to also help you love your wife the way she needed to be loved.

Speaker 2:

And so that's the question. I think that with with my wife I remember back to one conversation I had with a coach, so so I'll say, with my son and my daughter, in unique ways that soften my heart towards my wife, and it created a heart of gratitude which created love. Gratitude in itself creates a place where love can grow and and a heart can be pliable. So I think it made me grateful for for having a family, for having a wife, a wife that brought these two kids made me grateful for the things that she brings in a unique way and just have have loved that in our growth, in the 25 years of marriage that we have, how we've grown together. We've grown to know each other in a deeper way, we've grown to love each other and our weakness and our strength, and it's a long game. I remember this coach where I was on a basketball trip with a team it was one of those missions, trips, teams and he pulled this aside and he said guys, I needed I need to say this to you, to many of you are going to start thinking about marriage. I was just about to be married to my wife and he said I almost got a divorce after two years we were on the wrong path, as a married couple and a guy told him hey, why don't you wake up every morning? First thought, making it, make an attempt to do this first thought is to figure out what's one thing that I can do for my wife that would make her day a better day, simple or complex. Make that first thought as you get up, as a faithfulness to your heavenly father, that you're taking care of his daughter, that you are loving his daughter not taking care of, but loving his daughter. Well, and it struck me, I said, man, that sounds so simple. One thing a day.

Speaker 2:

And as we got into the marriage and we hit this, this point, I started to think that after that I think that was our ninth year marriage somewhere in there that that happened. And it started to hit me, man, if I do that and so we have fun doing that every once in a while now where I'll ask my wife hey, I want you to guess what the one thing is that I decided to do today so that she could pay attention to it and and I can, we could do that as a joint effort that I'm wanting to give her a gift that day, whatever that may be, whether it's a text, or making her the breakfast or her lunch, whatever that is, I want to serve her at least one time very intentionally in the day. So puts my heart in the right spot. Well, and then what does that show my kids right as we're doing day to day in our home and I love your, teaching your sons how to love a woman.

Speaker 1:

Yeah you're teaching your sons a kind of woman to choose and you're teaching a daughter the kind of man she should choose. Right, yes, and trust me, held your daughter now.

Speaker 2:

She's 17 and in fact she has prom this Friday. And she told the young guy hey, you're going to have to ask my dad.

Speaker 2:

Maybe, and I got to show up. This was this last Monday. I showed up at lunchtime. He came up I can tell you as nurses. I said, hey, are you super nervous right now? He said I am freaked out, I am very nervous. And he says it's the first time I've ever asked a girl out and I, yeah, I'm super nervous. I said you have a plan in place? I'm very bad at planning. I don't have any plans. I said this is a good time to it's a good growth moment for you. I'm going to need a plan from you. And he's respected that. And her friends were watching from a car nearby and said man, your dad has a lot of. He has high standards. And my daughter said, dad, I appreciate it. She felt she feels safe Because you have her heart.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yeah, and you have your daughter's heart. She doesn't date projects. No, he wants a guy like you. But we got to be there. And so wise of you, I mean, I did the same things when they had to show up here and I didn't mind about the intimidation thing. I said you know you're shaking in your boots. Yes, sir, I said we should be, because I I love my daughter so much, so anybody who messes with her, I mess with I'm not going to be like that, right? So what's your question?

Speaker 1:

Son had one guy come by and he goes Well, can I have your daughter? I go? No, she's like a steak. No, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. I said no, listen, I'm protecting you. My daughter will eat you alive. She's an amazing woman of God. You're not ready to go out with my daughter yet. You go and get some discipleship. Maybe you can come back in a few months. I left out. That's my job. You want my? Go through me. You know there's a great person backs up where we're talking here. I don't know if you ever seen this and Genesis 521. It says that Enoch had lived 65 years. Then he fathered Methuselah. And look what it says. He said Enoch walked with God After he fathered Missuselah 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Something happened to Enoch when he fathered Methuselah and he turned his life to God for the 300 years after that.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome.

Speaker 1:

That's it. I mean, that is, you know, part of, and he walked with God until God just took him and he was no more, so he didn't actually die on the earth. He's up there, you know, waiting on us.

Speaker 2:

When I talked to this young man, yeah, I said. And I said I'm gonna embarrass my daughter right now, but I need to get this out because I really believe in this. You have been a contributor in her life. He helps her with math, he has been very patient with her because she hates math and he'll take, he'll put all his stuff aside to do that for her and has been a great friend of her. And I said I have taught my daughter to look for a contributor and not a consumer. Men are we're naturally consumers, but we are designed as contributors.

Speaker 1:

That's right.

Speaker 2:

We find our fulfillment as contributors in the consumer place. We just land in pleasure and we actually land in places where we miss out on what God has created us to do and who he's created us to be. And so for my daughter, I've said hey, this is what a contributor looks like, a person that genuinely cares about you, for your wellbeing. A consumer will bring a facade of that, but make sure you observe, because many times they'll do certain things in order to get something back. It's a transaction rather than a servant heart, and that's what you're looking for as you're looking through the behaviors.

Speaker 1:

I said did you also give her a promise ring?

Speaker 2:

I did not. I did not do that.

Speaker 1:

I did that with my daughters and I would reference that with these boys. And you see, that ring on her marriage finger to be one day. That's her promise before God that she's gonna hold her body back until she gives this to her husband at the altar and exchanges for a wedding ring. Oh, that's nice. Are you man enough to make sure that ring doesn't even wiggle at all? That's not wiggle. That's not wiggle.

Speaker 2:

That's a great man, ed. I would have had to go to the bathroom man at your house and say, do you mind if I just use the restroom real quick?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, cause I raised my daughters to not be fearful and the way I did that was I took them out on dates and model. What a man was.

Speaker 2:

That's great.

Speaker 1:

Right, that's an incredible thing we can do, because if we do that and we have their heart as they're growing up, they're gonna want a man like us, right, which is the ultimate compliment for us as fathers. Not the day, you know, bring home Joe and you know Joe's not that evil dad. I know he's got a gargoyle on his face and he's died by lids, but he's really got a good heart. Thank you very much. No, no with lizard man. Okay, he's like I'm gonna hate my daughter, right, because it gives her and they.

Speaker 1:

This one guy that I said no to met me. You know, months later it was a tennis tournament in school and he came up to me and he said I just want to tell you how much that meant to me. I said what do you mean? He says my sister just got pregnant. She's 14 years old, my dad's not in either one of our lives and she's so desperate to be loved that she, she's now pregnant and gonna have a baby at 14.

Speaker 1:

And so fatherhood, you know, is one of you know, for us as men, you know, being a husband is incredibly important, but being a father is vital for a community to exist and culture to exist, and you know you have a loving relationship with your wife, but learning how to be that present, loving dad which every you know. Every guy wants to be somebody's hero, and when your kids are the one going, have you met my dad? He's a hero. I mean, he's been there in my life. He confesses his sin to us. When he's broken, we pray for him. He's leading, it, leads us to Christ. He's not perfect, but he's all in. I mean that's what our kids want today. Yes, they do Imagine what.

Speaker 2:

The playfulness the guidance the affection. All those things are part of who we are and we can bring it when we are all in it. When we are all in it, you just said yeah.

Speaker 1:

So you know, so you're ministering to a lot of you know parents right now. What are some of the? I mean, I just met with a guy you were watching a podcast with. He says here's an amazing reach in how many kids he's in front of preaching. I mean God, just, yeah, just hundreds of thousands kids a year, and so I asked him this question. I won't tell you his answer, but what are the keys that you've seen that really opens up the heart of kids to their father? Where's some things that dads can do that will really help their kids connect back with their dad right, so that their dad becomes a voice in their life Instead of leave me alone? You know you're always ragging on me. You know you're moving kids from that looking to their friends for identity or their phone for identity. To get that, what are some of the keys that you've seen that will be helpful to some of the guys that are watching?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you hit on one of them, a big one is just being present, persistent in your presence, and there's a difference on how you're present. Are you attentive, are you tuned? What's your tone like? Are you genuinely concerned in love towards your child? So I mean, it's concern would be not that you're worried, but that you're really wanting to know who this child is in front of you, that God has created and has given, has invited you to be a co-creator with. You know, there's an invitation to co-create with our children in their lives. The soul, this human being, and God has invited us into that. Do we see that with gratitude? So, as you show up with that, because your child experience that in their imperfections and all where they're spilling out their emotions, they're angry, they're frustrated with you, and you show up steadfast, that's not going to change your love, it's not going to change your tone, it's not going to change who you are. You're going to say I love you, I love you and I'm sorry for this, I'm sorry for that.

Speaker 2:

You own what you can and what you should and what you could. I'll say the could. You could own those things that you know you need to own, and then the things that they're blaming you for, that you know are not ownership. You don't have to own those, but you can say I'm sorry, I love you, and then hugs go a huge way. That affection, that physical affection towards your kids in a safe way, is powerful, so strong. But the idea is persistence. It's not dependent on whether it's safe or not for you. Are you creating safety in the relationship so it can get to connectedness? That's so good. Yeah, we carry so many insecurities, all of us, and we need to admit that. And when you come into your kids you go man, my insecurities spill out, sometimes in ways that are hurtful. Sometimes emotions come out. I'm working on that and I'm a piece of work that's going to continue until I die, but I want to figure out every day how to show it better for the invitation that I've got.

Speaker 2:

And man, I love being your dad, and the more you say that and as you experience rejection, right, you can still, as you're persistent and patient which it's hard for us to have, as you have that God is going to mend that in a very slow way, just like a wound that you're having to stitch up that takes so long to heal. Sometimes you have to go through physical therapy for big wounds to the body. Well, this is a relational wound. Be patient with it and just be consistent and then be praying for God's guidance for you and for your child's heart to be softened. And just know, I love that verse again, the one of being able to rise. Let us go from here. Remind yourself every day as a gift it's a new one, You've never lived in it and be patient with it.

Speaker 2:

The other one that's impactful is John 737 to 38. On 38 he says whoever believes in me, as the scriptures have said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. Have you be the one. Picture yourself bringing that, that life, giving the life, giving words, the, the appointments that you make your kids. Like you said, the one on one time, maybe taking a walk with your kids, and the last one is have your child teach you something.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, show your vulnerable there to say hey, I notice you love this, You're good at it. I want to learn from you.

Speaker 1:

When can you do that so good?

Speaker 1:

Yeah that's powerful, you know. It's one of the ways I you know the father showed me how to get my kids. You know, because we're you know parents would go hey, you need to read your Bible. Well, that means nothing to them. So I was like Lord, how do I do this? And I remember my son was one of my sons. Come, he's little son. He's knocked on my door. I'm studying and I had my Bible and I could. He goes, what are you doing? I said I want to spend time with God. He goes Can I spend time with God too? I said Sure. So I passed my Bible, but it was upside down because I'm reading it. I didn't turn around here. No, he didn't read yet and he's looking at me and I got my finger going like this and I look over and he's doing that and I'm kind of mumbling the words to myself and I'm look over and he's moving his lips.

Speaker 3:

And you know something happened.

Speaker 1:

That was my oldest son, edward so, where he sends me scriptures every day, things that God is speaking to him, because that whole thing about letting him teach you something, and the other thing that that I do is I go. You know, I just read this. What do you think it means? Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1:

And you just let and don't give them the answer. Don't set them up like, oh, you got all the answers. Just say what do you think this means and just wait and let them. You know, whatever they say, go. Wow, thanks, boy, that's good. Never thought about that way. Especially if you're a preacher. You take that again.

Speaker 1:

You know, I was teaching on the scripture and my son came to me and when I use my kids names, I had to give him a quarter. Every time I use quarter, and then they went in a raise in my term and she, then I couldn't afford it, but it's like it's. It's like you're, you're in a real way, you're. You're saying, when you ask them questions like that, I really believe in God's call and anointing on your life that you're going to be able to discover the same truth that I get to discover. And so you're, you, you're drawn it out of them and when they respond, they, they own it and they they because they've not taught you something. And they might even say, hey, mom, I just taught dad how to read the Bible. It's like awesome, that's awesome, right. So it's just part of being that present, loving dad that you know our kids today are just desperate for. Well, you know, it's just been rich being with you and what you're doing there on focus and love your ministry, love your leader. You got to buy him Buffalo burgers. Oh, he's a, he's a great fan of just really serious. It's great, it's lean beef.

Speaker 1:

And so there's some I know there's some dads that are watching right now, some men, maybe even some women who are. You know, they're sort of like you two did a song years ago called stuck in a moment, and it's a. It was a picture of a dot and all the arrows coming in, and he sings about how you're stuck in a moment until you learn that real living is when you reverse that and you're in the center but all the arrows go out of you and you're given back. And so there's men right now that are just feel stuck because of the past. Would you, you know? Would you pray for him right now and just just whatever God puts on you for these guys and pray for him.

Speaker 2:

I would love to and just a word of thought for the guys that have experienced extreme loneliness, felt rejected, felt like they weren't cared for as young men or felt really discounted completely Know that God was present. I want you to picture those moments, be open with it, go back to that memory and then picture where God was in that time with you, because he was there. He's always been there with you and watching you, and I want you to envision that and figure out what. How differently would you feel actually seeing him there watching you and feeling the pain of seeing you go through that, because he would didn't take you away from that. It's part of your story. Yet he's wanting you to see it as a redeemed memory so that you can bring these amazing words and the amazing gifts that he has inside of you to your kids and to those around you.

Speaker 2:

And two practical things if you want to start today with your kids with a win, I want to. I wanted to see if I have one here with me. Well, just take a chalk marker, talk about this all the time with with dads. Take a chalk marker, go to where your kids are going to see themselves and your wife, surprise them by putting a circle around where they're going to see themselves, and then write words that you know are true, about who God has created them to be, and see what kind of response you get there. That's one quick win that you can have where there's a changed heart. And then make it consistent, make that one marker thing, something you consistently do. You write verses, quotes, things that you want to tell them. And then, if you another option would be to just put little notebooks, little little journals that each person spot just say hey, let's bring the life in our home, and I'm going to start it. And you write the first page for everyone in your, around your dinner table and it begins there. It's all that books always there for people to write life giving worse to one another, and you begin the momentum. So you get the one victory that's when you can start today.

Speaker 2:

So, heavenly Father, thank you. Thank you for this opportunity, lord, to just talk about men and what you're calling us into the invi, the grand invitation to be a dad, to be a husband, to be a man, and that you've given us the life, a gift of life in in us, and I just asked right now for guys that are in the midst of pain, of self blame, of guilt, of shame, place where they feel empty or powerless, or helpless. A place, mentally, where they're saying I have nothing to offer. I, you know I've already ruined it, I messed up already.

Speaker 2:

Lord, help them to escape from those lies, lord, and help them to rise from here, from today, one victory at a time. We know that in climbing mountains, in sports, it's one point at a time, one step at a time. It's no different when we're trying to repair relationships and trying to to go a new direction. And I just pray for patience, for guidance and, lord, I pray that they will sense you completely and they'll be strengthened by you and not lean on their own strength at all. Lord, help us, each in our own journeys with you, to see you clearly, to be in close communication with you and to know that we don't need to be perfect, we need to be loving and we need to be filled by your spirit and in that your ministry through us can, can, can, happen.

Speaker 2:

And we know that apart from you, we can do nothing, and I pray that we will all. Everyone listening here, all of us will learn how to depend on you wholeheartedly. We love you, lord Jesus name, amen, amen.

Speaker 1:

Man, like an old country man said to me one time well, man, that prayer was stronger than circus dirt.

Speaker 2:

That's good, that's good, and my daughter wants to be in the circus. So there you go, I mean that's awesome.

Speaker 1:

Well, it's awesome to be with you, my brother, and exciting things. Blessings to your whole, focus on the family and remember, if you're watching, it's never too late for you to be the husband or father that God has always dreamed you can be. It's a great day to learn more. Get this podcast, share it with your friends. So much coming from Dr Danny here, and it's just an honor. And we got some free resources we'll have as well in the bio. God bless you.

Speaker 3:

We hope you enjoyed the Father Difference podcast. Are you ready to learn more about the Father Difference? But we have a special gift for you in the bio to help you get started. Remember the father loves you and wants you to make the father difference in your family.

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Ed Tandy McGlasson

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