The Father Difference
This podcast is about helping dads become better fathers.
It’s for dads who want to make a big difference in their kids’ lives (and be the best dads they can be) and want their children to have a loving and present father to help them.
It’s the reason we call it The Father Difference.
When God the Father makes a difference in us, we can make the same difference in our children's lives.
Imagine being the father God desires you to be, actively contributing to your children's dreams and future. Being a dad in their life story is crucial, and I believe it’s your most important role in life.
It only takes one Loving Father to change the course of a family for generations - and one perfect heavenly Father to begin the process in us.
We will post new podcast shows weekly.
It is our hope that The Father Difference will equip you to become the father you were meant to be.
I have coached and equipped men for 34 years in 14 countries.
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Praying for you - Ed McGlasson
The Father Difference
From Bitterness to Blessing: Restoring Broken Family Relationships
Ed Tandy-McGlasson explores how to restore broken family relationships and overcome the bitterness that can destroy our connections with loved ones.
• Understanding how bitterness takes root like weeds in a garden, spreading and causing damage to multiple relationships
• Learning to recognize when we become "bitterness blowers" by sharing grievances with others instead of addressing issues directly
• Remembering that everyone we struggle to forgive began exactly where we did with God—completely broken and unforgiven
• Developing a heart like Jesus where no one is untouchable and no sin is unforgivable
• Going to God first with your hurts before attempting reconciliation
• Gaining perspective by comparing how much you've been forgiven versus what you need to forgive
• Creating a culture of forgiveness by asking: "Is there something I've done that's hurt you that I haven't asked forgiveness for?"
• Taking ownership without excuses and persisting in reconciliation efforts, even when met with resistance
• Committing to the long-term pursuit of healing relationships to create a legacy of forgiveness for future generations
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Well, here we go, we are live. I'm your host, ed Tandy-McGlasson, and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with you today and sharing a little bit more about the series that we are talking about how to restore broken relationships, how to restore your family back to you when there's been somebody's gone sideways. So how many would come in the comment? Let me know how many of you got family relationships where you're sort of like this, relationships where you're sort of like this you know you're not together, you're angry, you avoid them and you want to learn some things to restore your family. Well, that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about how to do that. We're going to talk about how to be a present guy or a present gal in your family, maybe a grandma or a grandpa where you're in the midst of you. Know some of you how many? There's also probably some of you that are raising your grandchildren, and that's a very important thing. Hopefully your kids are still engaged, but if they're not, we can talk about that as well. So I want to get some comments from you, if you would, in the post. How's it going in your family? How are you doing in restoring relationships? In restoring relationships. How are you doing forgiving and being forgiven? Because we live in a world that is just like hyperbolic in its antagonism If you disagree with somebody, especially politically. Isn't that crazy? Politics is just politics. Did you know we get to fire these guys every four years or every six years if they're senators? They don't get permanent jobs. Some of them think they're permanent, but that's—you know? They're just one thing. But God is so much bigger than all those things. He's so much bigger than that because he's made a way for families to get healthy, families to love one another, families to bless one another and families to multiply For generations where your legacy of the way you father and mother goes many generations. Maybe you're a grandpa or a grandma and you still have some of your kids that are kind of sideways. Well, we're going to talk about that tonight and how to do that, and so kind of the title, if you're just tuning in, is how to Restore your Family Relationships.
Speaker 1:Now, just in a quick review, I want to share a couple of slides with you. Number one the scripture that you know hit me right between the eyes growing up is that watch out that no bitterness takes root among you. Make sure that no bitterness takes root among you, for it, as it springs up, it's kind of like weeds in the garden. I've been out doing some serious honeydews for my wife and the truth of the matter is there's a lot of dead roots and she's like we got to pull that out. You got to pull that out Because if you don't pull out those dead roots, they're going to regrow. And then you got flowers and vegetables plus weeds.
Speaker 1:And you know what I just kind of as an example of bitterness, kind of as an example of bitterness is how many of you got guys with those air blowers showing up and blowing stuff around your property? Well, I figured out that that's where I'm getting all of my weeds in my garden In Southern California. Oh, about seven o'clock in the morning you hear oi and these guys are blowing in everywhere. And I started thinking about that today. And those are the guys. You know they don't mean to do this. By the way, we need guys to do gardening and everything else because we get older we don't have as much to be able to do that. Who wants to get down in the dirt? So I've been doing the last couple of days. But those guys with those blowers, those gas-powered or now they're going to be electric-powered blowers. They're blowing all of these weeds everywhere. I don't think they're meaning to. I'm going to meet with my guy on Saturday. When he shows up and goes rake, don't blow. And it's kind of like what happens when you don't deal with the bitterness in your life and all of a you get around somebody and one of the things you do is you begin telling your story about what happened with a family member or a friend that did this and then, all of a sudden, instead of you going to the source for healing and forgiveness, you add somebody else in. And then the next thing, you know there's a group and they all know your stuff.
Speaker 1:Matter of fact, in church years ago we had this guy visit and he's one of those guys that we all prayed would come to church. You know the guy who said to his wife it'll be a cold day in hell before I go to church. The problem is, it must have been really cold because he showed up. Really cold because he showed up, and when he walked in I was watching him. He comes up to me and he says well, pastor, here I am. I guess I'm at church. What do I do? Why don't you sit over there, john? And he looks at me and he's just paying attention at all of the looks of the women in the church. They're kind of like poking one another going oh, look at that guy. Ha, god must be moving. That guy said he would never go to church, it'd be a cold day in hell. And so he shows up.
Speaker 1:Well, long story short, he has an amazing encounter with Jesus. That weekend. It was on an Easter Sunday and he ends up a writer for the Register and he gave his life to Christ and I mean it was a miracle. He lived the last years of his life loving his children, really loving his wife, learning how to do it. He didn't love his wife but he was a veteran and carried all this hurt and bitterness with him everywhere. But when he met Jesus, that bitterness, that root of bitterness that can spring up, gave him an entire new beginning. But I remember a time we were talking and he goes boy. When I walked into church I felt like everyone's looking at me, like there's the center.
Speaker 1:It's amazing what happens if we become one of those dust blowers, or let's call them bitterness blowers. Well, we start sharing our story around with the family. So now that you have a family event and everybody knows your business and it's almost impossible for you to have a great attitude with somebody who you know has hurt your friend or your sister or your brother, imagine being able to change that beloved. Imagine being able to go to the source and get the strength to forgive that person in such a deep way that it changes their life. You know, the Bible is just filled with people that everybody thought were the devil, were the Antichrist, and that heart that you have that does this to those kind of people because you believe something about them. You believe that they're just evil, that they just don't deserve, you know, god's love, because they're going to get judgment. You're waiting for the other shoe to drop and all of that is fueled out of what we were talking about in this. You know, this bitterness that takes root in you, it springs up and causes deep trouble. It hurts many people in their spiritual life, and so Paul's saying you know, make sure you don't do that.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you a story. This isn't a very public one, but let me have a story moment for you. So I'm on an airplane getting ready to fly back from Washington DC to Boston. I'm going up to see one of my friends. I'm going to do a conference there and there's one seat left on the plane and they're holding up the plane. Everybody's complaining why not? It's filled with people from Boston. Hey, when are you going to get this? You can just hear it. Hey, when are you going to get this? You can just hear they're getting grumpier and grumpier and grumpier and all of a sudden in walks their hero, senator Ted Kennedy. And Ted Kennedy comes in to the plane looking around everything's full. Nobody in first class wanted to move and guess where the open seat was. It was right next to me, looking around everything's full. Nobody in first class wanted to move and guess where the open seat was. It was right next to me. He comes down, looks at me, he smiles, sits down, shakes my hand and I'm now sitting with Senator Ted Kennedy.
Speaker 1:You know Democrat, and I've heard all kinds of stories about him. You know, I heard all the stories about Chappaquiddick and all those kind of things. And boy, how easy it is for us to judge somebody or to label them and never really understand that maybe we're the one to cross that barrier towards somebody who you might even think is your political opposite, or maybe somebody who is, you just say well, that person's lost that person's evil. So easy today to do that, isn't it with people? That's what they do when they attack you on the Internet. They attack your children. It's kind of the way of bitterness has become the way of the world. God wants to change that. That's why we're talking about it.
Speaker 1:So we're talking, and I didn't tell you this. But I had had a dream about him and God had spoken to me. I thought something in a dream that I would give him one day. But you know, I have those dreams and you think well, maybe that's a piece of dream and I'm never going to meet Senator Ted Kennedy, meet Senator Ted Kennedy. So here we are talking, we're having a great grand old talk, but I'm intrinsically aware that everybody around our seat is listening to everything we talk about, and so, for fear that what I was going to say to him might end up in the newspaper, I just held it. I said God give me—I was praying God give me an opportunity to share with my new seatmate.
Speaker 1:And so the plane lands and he looks at me and he goes hey, you got a P. I go yes, I do, matter of fact. And Secret Service comes on the plane. They make us all wait, and me and him get up and leave the plane together to search for a bathroom. I felt like a celebrity. So, walking off the plane, they're like, who are you? And I said I'm Ed, I'm Ed, I'm Ed, you know, like I'm no big deal, this is Senator Kennedy here.
Speaker 1:So, off, we go into a bathroom and so, anyway, we're standing there at the you know, the white throne urinals right Not to be too descriptive doing what we do. And I looked over at him and I said you know, I think maybe this is what I would call a divine appointment, and God has put you next to me because I have a promise and a word for you from God. And he looks at me and he goes can I finish being first? And I just yeah, of course, of course. So we go to the sink, we're washing our hands. He goes what is this word? And I introduced myself and told him who I was.
Speaker 1:And he said I had a dream about you. And in his dream I saw this storm that was going to come your way, a horrible health storm for both you and your wife. But God spoke me a promise. But God spoke me a promise and it says in Isaiah 40, verse 31, and those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings, like eagles. They will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint.
Speaker 1:And I said, senator Kennedy, you know, I think you're going to come through a really serious health scare for both you and your wife. And the Lord gave me that dream so I could let you know what His plan is for you. If you'll give your heart to waiting on the Lord, he's going to renew you, renew your strength like an eagle. You're going to be able to run and not be weary, walk and not faint. And I just blessed him and I said can I pray for you? And he said please. And I put my hand on his head gently and I just prayed for him in the men's bathroom in Boston, in an airport, just the Secret Service watching and protecting us. And I just blessed him and he grabbed my hands and he said I'll never forget this. And I said oh, praise the Lord, tell me your name again. I said I'm Ed McGlasson. Say it again, ed McGlasson. He just appreciates me so much for that. And I remember leaving the airport that day before.
Speaker 1:I heard the outcome and all that, and the Lord reminded me of something that I want to remind you with tonight, and that is that every person that you are at odds with or you have a broken relationship with, broken relationship with, started out the same way you did with God, and that is totally broken and unforgiven. Totally broken and unforgiven. And one of the greatest signs of somebody who follows Jesus it's not in their platitudes and how much of the Bible they know, but it's developing a heart like Jesus where there is nobody who's untouchable, where there is no sin that you can't forgive, because God has forgiven you for so many things. You know. It says in Romans 5.8 that while we were still yet sinners, christ he died for us. So he didn't die for you just because he met you today. He died for you way before you were even born. He prepaid the penalty of sin for you for eternity. He prepaid the penalty of sin for you for eternity, knowing that one day you would have an encounter with Him where that mercy that he wrought on the cross when he died could cover you and completely forgive your life. And when that happens in your life, there's two kind of reactions that are possible. One some people are just so grateful that they're saved that they become like the Scrooge right. He is so elated after the three dreams and gets to do his life over that. He's generous. You're just given mercy and forgiveness all the time because of all that God has done for you. And see, that's the heart that God wants to nurture in you so that you can be that father or mother or grandfather or grandmother or friend or brother or sister that you need to be to the one who has hurt you. And so tonight which we're not going to talk a ton about Scripture, but tonight is about drawing you into a place of saying you know, I've let bitterness grab me over and over and over again and I don't want to be bitter anymore, and so I want to just do a little coaching time about restoring relationships. So how do I restore my relationships, especially with somebody who's broken, somebody who doesn't want to talk to you, somebody who is sideways? Well, the way you do that is that you got to go to God first. That's step number one. You go to God first and you just bring all your stuff first, all those things that you've done against Him and maybe even the things that person has done to you.
Speaker 1:I deal with dads and moms all the time whose son or daughter or son-in-law or daughter-in-law, or I like to call them. When they're in the right place, I call them son-in-loves or daughter-in-loves. That's where I want my children. I have five kids by natural birth. I have four added through marriage, so I have nine children who are all adults, amazing moms and dads themselves, and I have 13 grandchildren. So we got a tribe, and so I want them to be in-laws, not in-laws. I don't want them to be there because they legally have to be there. I want them to be there because they love being with their family.
Speaker 1:But there's only one way to deal with that you have to remove any bitterness that's between you. Any bitterness is between you. So I want you just to think for a moment. You can take a piece of paper, you can take some notes after this, and I want you to honestly just number one, go to God and say okay, god, what am I holding on to and not letting you in on with somebody in my family it might be. It's this one direction and this child is really hurting you. Maybe it's your son-in-law you want him to be a son in love and he's angry with you, or he's pushing you back and you feel justified because what you think you've done was with a good heart. But even if it was a good heart, if it hurts somebody, the bigger person goes. Man, will you forgive me quickly? And sometimes, if you don't, that bitterness just grows and grows and grows.
Speaker 1:So, number one how do you deal with somebody who's done this to you, who's cut you off and just emotionally cut you off because he's maybe or she's maybe thought you were unsafe? Well, the first step is we go to God and we realize. Number two we go to God and we realize he or she has not sinned against me even close to the numbers of times that you've forgiven me, god, boy. That was the lesson I learned as a pastor, because as a pastor, at times I'm somebody's hero. Every Sunday I'm the greatest preacher who ever lived, and the next thing, the next week, I got people leaving and I go. I thought I was like a great pastor, yeah, but I don't like you anymore. Boom gone in and out. So if your identity is on, how well people are coming and going. It's a bad deal.
Speaker 1:Even in your own family, there's times when you feel this shift. Now the world would say to you that's not informed by Scripture, that when your children leave, they're just supposed to live their own quasi-independent life without you really there. You just get tidbits, you're just sort of go on vacation as a grandpa and grandma go see your kids, but you have no more part in the family. Well, that's not the way the Bible is. You look at the way—here's God, the Father Himself, who wants to be the father of our stories and our children and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren. He's always been, so there is a place for fathers that you can't cut them out or mothers.
Speaker 1:We're getting ready to have Mother's Day. We're getting ready to have Mother's Day. Matter of fact, if you're a gal, I'm going to have a special service at 12 o'clock on Thursdays for the next four weeks, called the Difference a Mother Makes. It's going to be right on Facebook. You'll see it, instagram, all those other platforms as well the Difference a Mother Makes and we'll be sending information out. Just check on my channel. It will be there there. It is right there, the different part one and we're going to do this at 12 pm.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, one of the things that we are going to talk about in here is also how do you help your husband become a better father and how do you help your husband become a better husband? Or maybe you're not married to that guy anymore and he's driving you crazy, and so how do you, you know, how do you, as a woman, how do you love that man? So it's all in this new series called the Difference a Mother Makes. Because, by the way, without you, mamas, I wouldn't be here, without my mom, jean, and if my Aunt Barbara's watching, love you, aunt Barbara, love you so much. Can't wait to show you some of my paintings. I want to see some of yours too. She's an awesome artist and she's up there in age, she's got the wrinkles to prove it and she's an amazing woman.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about gals and you know, learning how to deal with family, kids and become a mother who really makes a difference. It's so important. And so, when you know back to kind of what I was talking before, restoring relationships is what you got, to be willing to understand that you got to be committed to the long-term pursuit of the heart of this child that's sideways with you, or maybe a friend, even if they put you on the no contact list where they they call you toxic and if you quit, they're going to say, well, he didn't even want to try. I had a dad that I was coaching, that you know, tried to reach out to his son after they split so he figured he'd just give him space. Well, here's the truth about space and bitterness when you give bitterness space, the weeds take over the garden and it destroys the family.
Speaker 1:So what you do is you get close enough in the soil of that relationship so that you can own any seeds of bitterness that you planted in that relationship. You go first. You don't go waiting for them to finally say, oh yeah, I'm sorry too, that's your hope down the road. The first thing you do is you take your stuff, because here is the sweet spot, and we're going to tie this together tonight. The sweet spot is you want to learn from them how you can be a better mother, better father in your life or maybe a better friend, better wife, better husband.
Speaker 1:Because when you understand those things where you've hurt them and you own that and you don't make excuses and you ask for forgiveness, it begins to change everything. So I'm going to give you a secret question. It's not secret, actually, but it's the question that God has so often dropped into me towards my children. Because I'm a human being, everybody who's a human being raise your hand, amen. You still hurt people, and when you sense that drift, you can tell when your children are with you or against you. What you need to do in that moment is press in and ask him questions like is there something that I've done that's really hurt you that I have not asked for forgiveness for? When I first asked that question, it began to reset my whole family and what I didn't realize, it was creating a culture of forgiveness between me and my children came and died for on the cross, so that you can get eye to eye and own your stuff and ask for forgiveness without making any excuses, because hurts many times. We can go to our grave and why go to your grave with a broken relationship with a family member that you could do something about? And so I want to encourage you.
Speaker 1:You know, right after you know, right after the end of this live show, I want you to make a plan to reach out to whoever it is, and how often do you do it? Well, here's the deal you do it until they respond and you're loving, you're not just in their face, because you're seeking to understand and then you're taking responsibility for the hurt and then you're bringing healing by asking for forgiveness, which puts them in the place of having to say, okay, I forgive you. Or they might say I don't forgive you. And if that happens, you just say, okay, I know it was incredibly painful, but I'm going to keep asking for forgiveness because you mean the world to me painful, but I'm going to keep asking for forgiveness because you mean the world to me and my heart's broken, that I hurt you, and I want to learn how to be a better mother, maybe a better grandmother, better father, better grandmother, better wife, better husband, better son, better daughter.
Speaker 1:Imagine learning how to forgive at that level. What would it do for your family? What would it do for you? Because when we take that step of faith and we step into that whole land of mercy that Jesus bought on the cross when he died, that forgiveness, the mercy of God that came to us While we were still yet sinners, christ died for us. Jesus died for us when we were useless. He didn't die for us because we were the cream of the crop. He died for us because we didn't think we could ever be the cream of the crop, that we're too broken. He wants to do that with you tonight, or whenever you watch this. He wants you to know what it's like to be forgiven, and so I'm going to give you an opportunity right now.
Speaker 1:You can leave me a comment later if you want to Send me an email at edtandy, at theblessingofthefathercom, but I'd like to pray with you right now. You can open your hands. If you're driving, just pull off to the side of the road. But a simple prayer, Father. I just thank you for my friend who's watching and I ask you to come and visit them in a profound way and bring healing to their family. Bring healing, father, to their family. Bring the healing you promised when you died on the cross. Bring the forgiveness they need and the mercy they need to give so they can restore their family. So this generation of kids and grandkids that's grown up wouldn't be stuck not knowing who they are and not knowing how to forgive.
Speaker 1:Father, I imagine I want my grandchildren to not ever be bitter, and I know that the first step is for me to not be bitter and learn to forgive, and my children to not be bitter, so that they can raise your children, my grandkids, to be loving and full of mercy and quick to forgive. In the name of Jesus, bless them, father. Bless him, father, because if you'll wait on the Lord, he will renew your strength, you will mount up with wings like eagles, you will run and not be weary, and you will walk and not faint. God bless you. My friend, thank you for signing up. As a matter of fact, at the very end, I want to share with you two little promises for you.
Speaker 1:Number one if you've not gotten my book how to Become the Husband and Father your Family Needs, you can get it on Amazon right now. Any country that you're watching from. You can get that at any time, and along with it, I have a whole training course that will really help you become the kind of husband or father or mom or mother or wife that God's called you to be. It's for both, though I mark it to men, it's for both. And also another exciting thing that's coming up. Oh, so you want access because you're watching tonight. We're going to give you a free membership to our online course. It's normally close to $900, but I'm giving it to you tonight because you're watching online and so scan this. It's our gift to you and I'm so grateful to be able to share this with you.
Speaker 1:And finally, last but not least, yours truly is doing a Father's Day celebration. If you're anywhere around Southern California on Father's Day weekend, on that Saturday, we're going to talk about the superpower of dads and the difference that a real father can make in the life of his children difference that a real father can make in the life of his children. It's for single guys who want to learn how to do that one day married, unmarried, doesn't matter. Just if you're hungry, a breakfast has been provided and that's going to be for you at Harbor Light Church in Costa Mesa. It would be my honor to share that with you. And remember my friend, it is never too late for God to do a miracle in your life. Just look at me and all the things he's done in my life. May the Lord bless you. I'm here to help you.
Speaker 1:Matter of fact, if you need some coaching and you really want to oh, we got somebody who's coming to the men's event Just let me know. You can sign up on our website. We're going to have that next week. It lets you know ahead of time, but I just want to throw up the banner there. There's another banner where you can actually sign up and I can put that right up on the banner on the screen. If you want to sign up right now, if you just grab that link I know it's a crazy long link just copy it, you can sign up right away. That's yours as a gift. Would love to help you out any way I can.
Speaker 1:Also, what else do we got here and, by the way, oh, someone said how can we support you? Well, if you want to support our ministry, you could just go to our website the Father Difference and tap in donation the father difference and tap in donation. Your donations help us to send books for free around the world and to do our men's conferences. We're doing that right now and, believe it or not, our books are in 125 different countries. I'm so grateful. Your support is helping us do that. Okay, all that and that's enough. So go to my website. If you sign up, we'll also give you a free kind of 15 to 30-minute kind of diagnostic coaching session to help you and your family, your marriage or whatever. It's our gift to you as well. It's been an honor to be with you and so grateful we're here at the Father Difference to serve you and to be a part of your story.
Speaker 1:So here I am, ed McGlashan. I'm speaking to you from the mountain of God. Yes, that's one of my paintings. It's called His Glory Beckons and I painted that. I liked it after watching the Ten Commandments movie. It's pretty cool, isn't it so? Anyway, so grateful to be with you and we'll talk soon. God bless you. The Father loves you and has a great plan for your story and your life Amen.
