Finding Your Father Voice: The Power of Blessing Your Children

Ed Tandy McGlasson explores how parents can win back the hearts of their children who have become emotionally distant or "sideways" by understanding the power of blessing and identity.

• Fathers and grandfathers start our story, but God wants to finish it
• Our words as parents have the power to shape our children's destiny
• Children are fundamentally seeking to answer the question "Who am I?"
• Parents often focus on rules when they should be pursuing a relationship
• The story of Jacob/Israel shows how an encounter with God enables fathers to bless their children
• We can only give to our children what we have first received ourselves
• Pursuing children without conditions is key to reopening their hearts
• Ask your children: "How am I doing as your parent?"
• Children have a built-in parenting manual if we're willing to listen

Visit www.thefatherdifference.com/links for a free book download and information about personal coaching.

Chapters

• 0:16 Welcome to Winning Back Children's Hearts
• 3:40 How Fathers Start Our Story
• 12:13 From Jacob to Israel: The Power of Blessing
• 17:44 Discovering Your Identity as a Father
• 22:02 Practical Tips for Reconnecting With Kids
• 33:59 Closing Prayer and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

Okay, welcome. I'm your host, Ed Kenny McLawson, and welcome to how to Win Back the Heart of your Children. It's a continuation of an event that I did here in Southern California and some insights for you with your kids, so I'm so glad you're here. I would love to hear from you. I would love to get you to connect. If you want to leave a comment, let me know that you're online. That would be great. We're doing an entire series around really learning how to be the mom and the dad, how to really be the father that your kids really need you to be, especially in the times like this, and all the things that we're learning, all the things we're trying to do. So today, tonight, we're going to talk about really how to win their heart back when they're kind of sideways, when they're kind of sideways as you log in and connect to our show. Today. I'm really honored to be here, excited to share this really unique content that comes out of our coaching program, the Father Difference Coaching Program that we run for men, and we do private coaching for women as well and moms with our kids in the crazy culture that we have right now, and so we're going to get right into what we're going to talk about. We'd love to hear from you and see all those that are connecting in to us on Instagram, facebook Live and now through StreamYard, as we're broadcasting this to you from Southern California.

Speaker 1: 2:19

It's not my normal studio, as you can see. As you can tell, there's something back here in the corner and, boy, I got a special gift for you. If you can guess what that is back there, send it to me in the chat, text me and let me know what that is. Maybe you've got one. It's one of the coolest things. If you are an artist in the world, I got to tell you the guy who made this just is probably one of the finest craftsmen out there with art supplies finest craftsmen out there with art supplies. If you're interested in learning how to get out and you know paint and get some time and kick back, and so I'm no way getting any sponsorship from this, but I definitely got to tell you, if you're a painter and you want to learn more about painting, that's available as well.

Speaker 1: 3:27

So let's get into kind of the material, kind of set up this short kind of coaching time for you as a mom or a dad, and so let's get right into it. So, first thing so how do you really win the heart of your kids and how do you win their heart when they're sideways? So how many of you have got children and it's not going good with them and you're wondering how in the world can you be present and be in the life of your kids in the times that we live right now, when lots of grandparents and their children are separated, lots of dads and their kids things out there that talk about, really you know, the failure of fathers, that dads aren't stepping up to the plate. Well, that first slide is indicative of really. The truth is that our fathers and grandfathers, they start our story, how they treat us, how they speak to us, how they are there. It's not the end of the story you're going to see later but they kind of start our story and it's powerful when you have a dad who knows how to love his kids and be present. And this young generation of dads is hungry right now on our X and Twitter feed and out there. They're hungry because they want to make a difference and not make some of the same mistakes that their dad did. But our fathers and grandfathers, they started our story and so I mean for me, this is my one of my favorite people in heaven.

Speaker 1: 5:29

This is my grandfather. He was a retired three-star Admiral in the Navy. Incredible military career, was first Chief Executive of the CIA, was first chief executive of the CIA, admiral Henry Ford was there in all the big battles you know in the Pacific that really helped us finish the war that was happening there. Incredible guy, incredible adventures. And you notice he's pointing to a memorial there and it's the name of my father who was killed in action. Ed Tandy was killed in a plane just like this. It's one of the last surviving planes in an air museum up in Monterey that my father crashed in. His call sign was 88, array that my father crashed in. His call sign was 88, the name of this plane which is still at the bottom of the Monterey Abyss there in Santa Cruz.

Speaker 1: 6:33

But my grandfather, we were sitting in his study and he was reading his paper and I was in, you know, in college and I just graduated from college and was getting ready to go into the National Football League. I was drafted by the Jets and so I got to have an afternoon with my grandpa. You know, grandpa was incredibly powerful. Grandpa was incredibly powerful. And he, uh, um. We sat there and I looked at him and because what we want to know from our fathers and what your kids want to know from you is what you really think about them. Um, with words and when you them, it can just cement them into the beginnings of their calling. And I said this earlier. I said fathers only really get to and granddads get to start the story. It's up to God to finish it. But when you're present and you're there, that makes all the difference in the world.

Speaker 1: 7:41

And so one day I asked him, I said what do you really think about me? And he closed his paper as he was reading the news at the time, out in his little alcove next to the kitchen. He actually he had to be close enough to be able to go in and get peanuts. He loved planters peanuts. Remember, and remember the jar when it's open. Remember those moments with your grandpa or with your dad that mark you forever, cause we, no matter how good or bad our dads are, we, we, we relish those moments, you know, many times as young people trying to find out what they think about us.

Speaker 1: 8:25

And so I asked him Grandpa, what do you think about me? And he looks at me and he says you remind me of somebody. And I went really at the Naval Academy and commandant there first season. And the young, you know big haired guy, curly haired, brown haired guy comes into my office and says Admiral Ford, if you'll make an order for all the midshipmen to come to the chapel for a special chapel service, I'll do my best to share Christ with them and lead them to Jesus and my grandfather. He smiled at me and he said his name was Billy Grant and so he said you remind me of him. You have the same heart for people and every time I take you anywhere, you're always sharing the love of Jesus with people. And that's what I think about you. And, as a matter of fact, I've already. I'm going to make an order this week, my final order as a military person even though I'm in retirement, I still carry some clout and I'm going to order that you would do my memorial service in the chapel to all the midshipmen that are still there at Naval Academy.

Speaker 1: 10:05

And when Billy Graham preached that day that my grandson was talking about, it was just an incredible movement of God at the Naval Academy. It wasn't too long after that that all the conflict that we had. It wasn't too long after that that all the conflict that we had, and that moment was just the timing of it was just, you know, in God's timing. And so when my grandfather went to heaven, I showed up at the chapel office at the Naval Academy and they weren't exactly happy with the order and they were going to kind of give me a moment, you know, to come up and share some nice things. But it was like we don't want you really preaching to the midshipmen and I, being the son of Admiral Ford, the grandson of Admiral Ford, I said he gave you a direct order and, as far as I can tell, it's your job to fulfill it. So their response was yes, sir. So their response was yes, sir, and so I stood up in front of my family and the midshipmen that were still left there at the Naval Academy during the summer and we did my best to share my heart, the heart of Christ, with man that was there. Every midshipman and hundreds of midshipmen stood up and gave their lives to Christ. I could feel my granddad smiling over me, and so our grandfather is incredibly powerful, incredibly powerful, incredibly powerful, and when they speak into us, they begin a process, they in no way finish the process. Even my dad's story of him dying just before I was born and all that meant, began my story, just like your dad, your grandfather began your story.

Speaker 1: 12:27

You might be thinking, well, how is this going to help me win my kids back? Well, here's the secret of all of this that I'm sharing with you is that until your heart is really fully captured by God, with him as your father, you're going to struggle, trying to bless and give things that you don't think you have to give. What I mean by that is that, as men and fathers, don't we kind of give out of what we've received in our life? That's one of the reasons, gals, if you're watching your husbands, you can needle him, berate him, try to motivate him to be a better father, but most of us in our life didn't have dads or grandpas who spoke life into us and we learned to father based on how we were fathered as men and when we're not fathered very much.

Speaker 1: 13:35

My stepdad loved me. I know that with absolute no doubt, but he was gone for so much of my childhood. He was a submarine commander and came in and added me as a son right in the beginning, after my father was killed in action. What a heroic thing for man to be a stepfather in the life of a child. But he missed a lot of pieces, you know, admittedly. So you know his dad was a pretty strong, you know Southern man and was obviously a soldier himself in earlier conflicts and war, and so you know he didn't know how to, you know, totally embrace that role. I mean I love him for all that he gave, and I don't think that my mom made it all that difficult, because when your husband is kind of a hero a hero or the father of your son is, it's probably really easy for her to continue to mention that about and compare my stepdad to my dad. And so he struggled and so part of the way we we get to understand how to really win the heart back of our kids is that you need to understand that you really matter as a father or grandfather more than you can possibly know in the life of your kids. And I'm saying that just a little bit of a review of a conference we just did this past weekend.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Of the supernatural, really the superpower of dads and granddads is that I meet men every day who think they've blown it too much to ever be a great father and boy. I'm going to tell you it's never too late. God can turn my life around. Guess what? There's hope for all of you, and not only do you matter as a father and grandfather, there's just an incredible picture of a story in the Bible that is incredibly powerful, about a guy who had an encounter with God, the Father and Jesus in the Old Testament.

Speaker 1: 15:56

And as Rachel's getting ready to give birth to her child, her husband, jacob, is out and he's kind of missing in action as she is in labor and during that time he's sort of missing in action. He's wrestling with the pre-incarnate Christ and says I'm not going to let you go until you bless me. And Jesus said what is your name? And he didn't do that because Jesus said no, he said I am Jacob, which his name can actually mean trickster.

Speaker 1: 16:33

Watch out, this guy is going to win the deal and God's word over this young man who is soon to be a father of a son with Rachel, renames him and says from this moment on, your name is Israel, father of many nations. That's what his name means. And he just had this encounter. His name's changed. He's received this blessing from God which changes his capacity to be a father. He then makes his way back to his wife, who is in labor and she's dying, and in her last breath she names him Ben-Oni, because the dad wasn't there. And when Benjamin, when his father, israel, hears that name, he has just had this fresh encounter with God where God changed his name and he speaks right into that child and says your name is not Ben-Oni, son of my sorrow, but his father called him Benjamin, which means son of my right hand, means son of my right hand, and in a moment, a father, through his words, blessed his son and changed his destiny and the Benjamites were born. The tribe of Benjamin the name of that tribe was started because a father encountered God and when God ministered to him and fathered him and changed his name, he had that capacity to do that for his son.

Speaker 1: 18:27

That's incredibly powerful and you know when that happens. You know our fathers and grandfathers started our story, but God wants to finish it. He wants to finish your story. He wants to speak life and destiny in you as a man, no matter how good or bad your dad was, even if your dad was a five-star dad. Great vision, great words that's an awesome thing. But if you didn't even have a dad in your story or you've struggled with your own father because he didn't seem to give you what you needed, god's promise is your dad might have started your story, son or daughter, but I'm going to finish it, and that's really powerful. And so he's committed to fathering you through son Jesus. That's one of the reasons he sent his son.

Speaker 1: 19:25

And Paul writes about the benefit of our lives. When we've really embraced and been touched by God ourselves and received Christ into our life, then we get this Father we never knew we could have. And, matter of fact, god speaks through the Apostle Paul to the church in Corinth and he says I'll be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord, god Almighty. So God's plan has always been to be the father of your story and my story, equipping us and healing us in places where maybe we've been wounded or been sideways and really not discover who he truly wants us to be. And it's an imperative for us as men especially men and women to really connect to God as your Father, so that you can be in that process of knowing how to really get your kids back when you lose their heart. And boy, that's an easy thing to do in this culture.

Speaker 1: 20:46

There's so much craziness around your phones they're not paying attention they're doing, by the way, you know that little thing called an iPhone. You know the biggest part of that device, right? The biggest part of that device for young people today is to answer the question who am I? And they only ask that question because they're not sure. And one of the most powerful things that your kids want from you, even though they might say, dad, I need money, I need this, I need resources, those things are just ancillary. At the core of their question is, like what happened to me when I was a young man, this beginning moment where I began to connect to what God really thought about Ed McClassen.

Speaker 1: 21:51

And when you connect to that piece, it is one of the most profound and powerful moments you can possibly have with God. And it's a wonderful thing to receive Christ as your Savior. It's powerful. Without it you can't know forgiveness or to know identity. But if you're going to win back the heart of your children, you're going to only be able to do that if you're clear about who God has called you to be. Because that road of drawing them back into you and reconnecting and being the father they need you to be is going to be paved with all kinds of landmines and obstacles that your kids are constantly going to barrage you with and throw at you. And most of the time they're just testing because they just don't know how to connect with who God's name would be. They might not use language like that we would use language like that if we're a follower of Jesus but they're constantly questioning.

Speaker 1: 23:12

I meet young people every day. They're constantly questioning and I meet young people every day. I was, you know, at a coffee shop recently and you know, and I love asking this question when I'm out in the public and I walked up to this young man having a coffee and I said man, do you know why God made you? And it just, it was like the timing of the Lord in this young guy's life. He goes. I have no clue. My dad was gone most of the time. He didn't, he wasn't there, and so part of you know, just ministering to him and just being there and answering his questions and praying for him, you know, just ministering to him and just being there and answering his questions and praying for him, you know, made all the difference in the world.

Speaker 1: 24:01

And I remember a time with my son, edward, on the golf course, and we were. I was watching, I was standing behind him and he just watched him hit golf balls and thrown in my two cents when I could. Just a tremendous athlete he was. And one of his buddies from his golf team came over and said Could you be my dad? And I said, and I said, sure why? He said you know my dad, all he does is worry about making money. It's the only thing he does. And he's never seen me play golf. I think he knows I'm on the golf team, but he'd never come out and watch me. And I watched you with your son.

Speaker 1: 25:03

And I need a dad in my story. I need someone in my story. See, that's why you matter more than you know, because your voice, your presence, you being there, is vital for your kids. It's vital for them learn how to really embrace this scripture and receive that God wants to be a father to you and you'll be his sons and daughters, says the Lord, god Almighty. If you're a mom that's watching, let me tell you it'll change your relationship with your kids, because the peace that you get from God the Father, just like Jacob got when his name was changed to Israel. Well, jacob discovered who God sought him to be and I tell you, beloved that right, there is one of the most powerful things that you can learn, and when you learn that for yourself, no matter how good or bad of a father you had, it'll change the way you're a father and your heart and I want to kind of close with this your heart will begin to shift. It'll begin to shift when your focus isn't about finding out who you are.

Speaker 1: 26:43

So let me just ask you just a penetrating question how much of your life as a dad or in your marriage if you're still married or not or as a grandpa, did you spend trying to make a living and discover who God made you to be? Imagine if that question could be completely answered by God himself in such a profound way that it changes the way you do life, business relationships, fathering as a man in culture Well, that's what we call the father difference. That's where our ministry is named, the father difference. It's part of the blessing of the father, which is kind of the original ministry name that we had, because when we learn how to receive the blessing of God the Father in our life. It equips us to be able to be that kind of father and bless our kids. And just, I want to close with this.

Speaker 1: 28:00

We've had a crazy busy week here. I have just the incredible honor of having 13 grandkids, with one more in the way, and all of it, all of that is possible. 13 grandkids with one more in the way, and all of it, all of that is possible because of me myself connecting, in first, to the love and blessing of God the Father for me through Jesus Christ, and that's for you too. And so we're going to have a prayer time right now and you know, connecting with your kids. You know a friend asked I've had difficulty connecting with one of my children who's nine. He trusts his mom and he has difficulty trusting me lately and I've been more on the creative side than the loving side, and so you know part of that and I appreciate that comment, brother, you know we think that fathering is all about getting our kids to live by the rules of what it's like to be in our home or, you know, following God. The problem is is that when we're given rules and we're pushing our kids, that question that they want to know never gets answered, and so I would say that the fix is for you and your son is number one. You know you can connect and we got tons of resources.

Speaker 1: 29:53

I have a book called the Difference a Father Makes that I think would be a tremendous blessing for you that you can get from our website, which is free right now. Free access Thefatherdifferencecom slash free book. You can start reading it tonight. Fatherdifferencecom slash free book. You can start reading it tonight, and that will start opening up your heart to this whole picture of learning to receive yourself as a father, god myself, and because I don't. It's like. What would it look like if you didn't need your son to live by the rules and and you came to this place where he could feel you pursuing him, not because he got the rules right, but because he says, no, my dad really loves me, and so your work right now, your operation no matter how old your kids are, by the way is pursuing until they open their heart back to you as a father, but also you actually living out this story I talked about of being a son to God, to Father yourself. The more you learn to receive from him, the more the Father's love and blessing secures you as a dad, because all of our kids go through this.

Speaker 1: 31:33

I had some of my sons sideways and I thought that they just weren't reading their Bible. I thought they weren't praying enough, they weren't working hard enough, they weren't doing the grades right, they were breaking the McGlashan rules, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I tried to get them, even being as nice as I could, but I never was able to answer that question, and so I would spend this next season with your son spending a lot of time telling him what you love about him. Find those things and just start connecting and watch what happens as he opens his heart and pursues you. So anyway, that's my little coaching tip there. That's helpful for you, but that's how God really touches us.

Speaker 1: 32:30

And before I pray and want to keep our time around 30 minutes here once a week, there's a couple of things that I want to help you with. Part of that is we also have a special series for the woman of your dreams that we're running as well, on Thursday at 12 o'clock noon, pacific standard time, and it's for moms, and you know cause. Moms really do want to make a big difference with their kids, and so we have a. We have a live show for them as well. Um, that really helps them on Thursdays connect to um. You know really how to, how to bless their own children and how to how to keep their heart and they have incredible power and so part of the series that um that we're doing with them is really about how to win the heart of their children and um, and as well, just like we're dealing with guys and so your gal might want to is on facebook live. She can see, uh that on facebook or instagram and would love them to come.

Speaker 1: 33:59

And as far as a resource for you, I've mentioned earlier that we have this book for you. Go to my website at thefatherdifferencecom and click and sign up and you'll get it free and it'd be our gift to you to help you in your journey and if you want to grow and I encourage you to connect in, you know, every week to what we're trying to do and you know it's all this whole series that we're doing is how to bless and unlock the father of your children. It's the. It's the gal speaks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry on this Thursday at 12 o'clock, but our series right now really is about how to win back their heart. So we've kind of gone through point number one. So I want you to join me next week if you invite some friends, but I'd like to pray for you right now if you want to put some prayers there. And so that's great, sooner Brother said. I'd like to say that I'm pursuing him with luck. Just keep doing it.

Speaker 1: 35:12

By the way, here's a little secret question to unlocking kids that I've learned. Go to them and say how am I doing as your dad? Are there some things I can do that would really let you know how much I love you? And just listen, there's a built-in parenting manual inside of your kids, and so I'll be praying for you. I would love to join you back here If you want to connect in, if you go to my website at the Father Difference. We have a whole training for men that we're offering right now for free, called the Father Difference, and I would love to have you be part of one of our men's groups around the country of guys that are really learning how to be the best husbands and fathers they can be, and so that's there.

Speaker 1: 36:03

So why don't we pray and tie this together? So, father, I ask you that you would touch my brothers and sisters that are listening and touch them in such a profound way that they discover that you are the father they've always wanted. I ask you that you would fill them, you would use them. I ask you that you would heal any parts of their family that are sideways and, lord, that you would teach them how to win back the heart of all their kids, even their wives or, if they're not married, that the birth mom, father. I pray you would bring healing into his children, their children, in such a profound way that they stand heads and tails above kids who've not been fathered, and that you would use them, lord, in this crazy culture, to be like Magnus, to the love of God in Christ.

Speaker 1: 37:03

So, lord, I pray you would equip these dads, break any discouragement and let them know that, even though they start the story, god, your plan is to finish it in a profound way. In the name of Jesus, bless you, my brothers and sisters. So I'm Ed McGlashan signing off here. We're actually at a vacation place, but I didn't want to miss our time together, so I got to go down and cook a steak for my wife. We're doing some carnivore. God bless you.