It's Never Too Late to Reconnect With Your Children

Fatherlessness is the most devastating wound affecting our children today, with 24 million American children growing up without biological fathers and alarming statistics showing 85% of children with behavioral problems coming from fatherless homes. We all encounter hurt in our families, but the difference between generational healing and generational trauma lies in how quickly we choose forgiveness over bitterness.

• 24 million children in America live without their biological father
• 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes
• Many fathers want to be better but lack positive role models
• The quicker you deal with hurt, the faster healing comes
• Bitterness in families can travel down through generations
• Family trees change dramatically when forgiveness enters the story
• A father reconnected with his daughter after 15 years of separation
• When we withhold forgiveness, we remain in a prison of bitterness
• It's never too late to repair broken family relationships
• Modeling forgiveness for our children teaches them how to handle conflict

Help us transform another man into the father his children need. It doesn't matter how you started your story, but what you do next can change your family for generations to come. Click on the link to donate to our ministry: The Father Difference.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Crisis of Fatherlessness
• 3:02 Building a Culture of Forgiveness
• 12:01 Healing Family Relationships
• 17:01 Father Reconnects After 15 Years
• 24:12 Biblical Model for Forgiveness
• 31:11 Breaking Cycles of Bitterness
• 36:12 Resources and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

I miss my daddy. Did you know that there are 24 million children living in America without their biological father? Those children suffer without a dad in their life. 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes, 93% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes and 75% of teen substance abusers come from fatherless homes.

Speaker 1: 0:30

We are seeing the effects of fatherlessness in the news every day. Fatherlessness is the most devastating wound to our children. I've never met a dad who didn't want to become a better father, but I've met too many dads who didn't know how to be a good father because they didn't have a dad in their story either. Imagine the impact in your family if you could be the husband and father your family needs. I met too many dads who didn't know how to be a good father because they didn't have a good dad in their story. But there is hope. We have a ministry that helps turn the hearts of fathers back to their children and then the hearts of their children back to their dads. We need your help. Help us transform another man into the father his children need.

Speaker 1: 1:28

It doesn't matter how you started your story, but what you do next can change your family for generations. Your donation right now will make a major impact. Every donation of $25 or more will receive a special gift from us. God did it for me, beloved. I know he can do it for you too. I love my daddy. It is just an honor to be with you today, and we are broadcasting here from sunny Southern California. I am sporting, as you notice, my Rams jersey. Yes, we did come back in the very end of the game and beat our nemesis, the San Francisco 49ers. I'm sorry if there's bitterness in the land, but that was surely a great win indeed for the Rams, and SoFi Stadium was rocking. So, anyway, that started off the weekend really good.

Speaker 1: 2:43

So I'm your host, ed Taney-McLadsen, and welcome to the Father Difference. Live Well. We come to you every week, you know, offering and helping men to become the best version of themselves and the fathers that they need to be. And let me tell you, when you're making a difference as a dad and you're really impacting your family and your children, it makes all the difference in the world. And when you're not, or you've hurt your kids or there's separation between you, there's probably nothing more painful. There's probably nothing more painful. And so tonight we're going to talk about just a whole the kind of the journey of forgiveness and what it looks like to really build a culture of forgiveness Because of what's happening in our country.

Speaker 1: 3:41

The political diatribes and the bitterness from both camps is just—it's crazy. Although I sense in my spirit, you know from the Lord that this is probably—in our lifetime anyway—it's not the most consequential election in the history of the United States. Most consequential election in the history of the United States. Well, it's the most consequential election for this next four years. And you know, when we elect a president or a vice president or a senator or a congressman, right from the beginning they have term limits. So if they're great, they get a term, if they're bad, they're out of there. But we have a king that we follow. Well, there is no term limits and our election is not about, you know, putting a king in place. It's all about putting in the best person to help us. You know, god gave family and the church the job of standing up and helping to form a government that will support both of those. And because I don't think there's anything more important on God's agenda right now than really helping to make fathers great again Talked about that last week, and he wants you as a dad.

Speaker 1: 5:20

He wants you to be the best father you can be and if you're a mom, the best mom you can possibly be for the sake of our children, because our world right now is in a lot of confusion, a lot of hurt. Jesus promised that we'd go through all these times, so he's not like—heaven's, not like flipped out going. Oh my gosh. I've never seen it so bad. Well, it was horrible during Rome's time when Jesus was there. It's been horrible in every century. There's been a season of crazy political wickedness and crazy political stuff. But guess what lives beyond all of the politics of the land the Church of Jesus Christ. Christ in you, my friend, christ in you, my sister. Nothing will stop that, and that's kind of the intro of today.

Speaker 1: 6:12

So how do we deal with this issue of forgiveness? Because your ability as a man, as a dad just talking to mom, and if you're a mom and when I say dad, it's also for you your ability to quickly identify their hurt and be able to fix things that are causing the relationship between you and your children to break down or you and your family members to break down, I mean, I think it's absolutely. I would say it this way it is a sinful thing to lose a family member because you believe something differently politically. Think about how wicked that is from the devil. I mean it's you know. We can agree to disagree, but to demonize that other person in a way because of a candidate that we might vote for, to separate and destroy family is actually the perfect plan of the devil that he wants to use to separate you and your kids and your family members.

Speaker 1: 7:26

And this crazy discourse has got to stop. And the way we stop it is that we learn how to be quick to forgive and the Bible says and slow to get angry. You can be bothered by somebody and that bother can turn to anger and that anger can turn to bitterness and that bitterness can build a wall and that wall will cause separation and destroy families. Or we learn Jesus' way of learning how to forgive, even if somebody sins seven times, 70 a day. One of the questions that Peter asked should I forgive him Absolutely? Because the issue with forgiveness with God is that forgiveness isn't giving somebody permission to hurt you again. Forgiveness is about you giving that wound and that hurt to God and giving that mercy to that person that they don't deserve, so that somehow in the midst of that transaction they can connect with the Lord, god Almighty, themselves.

Speaker 1: 8:29

And I can't tell you how many times I have taught this, or in my travels all over the world. It's the same. When I was in Africa, it was in Europe and in Germany and Iceland and England and Scandinavia and Denmark and Holland, and we've been a lot of places in South Africa and Australia and New Zealand. It's the same bitterness it's the same, it's just flavored a little different. It's flavored with the accent of the day. But when bitterness slips into your life, slips into your heart, slips into your family, the legacy, the potential relationships with your children can get damaged for a lifetime and even, and even go beyond your lifetime.

Speaker 1: 9:23

You know, one of my little side hobbies at times is looking through my genealogy of my family and I'm not trying to find the secret that defined the superior bloodline that in my genealogy all the way back. And my wife goes back I mean my wife goes back literally, you know, to like 300 to 400 BC. I mean crazy genealogy all the way. And I began to watch and trace, as fathers, especially in families when they connected Jesus in their life, how their family tree begins to change and when those children of those fathers go sideways, how their genealogy changes. And I remember one in the Tandy line, my family line, where there's preachers and people serving the church and government officials and just all of these great things they were doing, military heroes. And then there were sons that got sideways to where you know their story was he got drunk in every position. You know their story was. He got drunk in every position.

Speaker 1: 10:45

And this kind of bitterness goes and their family tree sort of you know it's like alcoholism begins to go down that tree, into that family tree and every once in a while something would happen and a child would catch the mercy of God and all of a sudden that tree begins to move back to where God intended it to be. And in the whole story of your family and everything that you're going to go through, god has given us opportunities how to heal stories that are unhealable, how to heal relationships that are impossible to heal, how to deal with bitterness and how to push it back. And on your watch right now, my friend, there's probably—and if you're a single man, even if you're a single man or a woman there's nothing more important in your life than to make sure that in your family tree that bitterness doesn't take root, as the Bible says, and defile many, as the Bible says and defile many. So I want to share with you a story or two of some people who I got to meet and pray for and watch God do something extraordinary in their story, their family story, and I'd love just to share it with you right now. And the first one and if you're following along, make sure you get a copy of my book, the Father You've Always Wanted. You can get it download instantly or you can get this from my website. It's available to you. Amazon is sold out. We have no copies there, but you can go to thefatherdifferencecom and order it. We still have some cases left. We would love for you to have that in your life, for your family, as a resource.

Speaker 1: 12:33

And in there I talk about the story, a profound story and truth. And I often ask dads is it too late to make a difference with my kids? Maybe you're actually asking that tonight. And there's been some separation between you and your children. I mean moms and dads not just on one side or the other who feel they blew it as parents, moms and dads who would give anything to get their kids back right now because they've sort of been kind of blackballed out of their children's life or they've been put on the no contact list because they want to be part of their story again.

Speaker 1: 13:18

And I received an email from a father who asked me this question. He said, ed, I read your book Difference a Father Makes, and I found myself just overcome with tears as to why I destroyed my family and my marriage and it's been over 15 years since I've been able to communicate with my only daughter. My bed of divorce and the years of separation has caused me to ask if it's too late to reach out to my daughter and become a good father. And he tells me this story. He calls me on the phone after I got that email and my response to him was you know, it's never too late, my friend. It's never too late to have a new beginning. It's never too late to really come out of that place of hopelessness in your life. And so we got on the phone. He was pretty teary with me and he was actually reading my book from the men's restroom, from the bathroom. I actually wrote the Difference a Father Makes. It's small enough for a guy to read in about four sittings.

Speaker 1: 14:33

And so I began to minister to him and he said my daughter has cut me off for 15 years. Is there anything I can do? I don't know what she looks like, I don't know if she's got any children. I don't know what's going on. All I have is an address. I say well, write her a letter with this line in the letter Help me understand how much I hurt you when I divorced mom. If you want to talk, if you want to talk, call me. So he sends a letter out and we pray over it and about a week later he gets a phone call and I want to tell you there's just one of those moments in ministry where you're watching just the miraculous power of God move into the most broken situation. And here's a daughter who's not seen or talked or heard from her father for 15 years. He wrote letters, but the ex-wife kept them away from the daughter. But the ex-wife kept them away from the daughter. We found out later in the story, and so he gets on the phone and says hello, and I'll use a different name and not his hey Dad, this is Julie. And he just can't believe his ears 15 years. And he said I have his ears 15 years. And he said I have a question to ask you, but I want to ask in person would you come and see me? I live in Ohio. And he said, sure, I'll come. Where do you want to meet? There's a restaurant down the street from my house. Could we meet there? They make arrangements.

Speaker 1: 16:36

John, which is not his real name, ends up flying to Ohio, finds the restaurant, sits in the back waiting for what his daughter is, and every moment you can imagine he's. Every girl that walks in. Is that her? Is that her? Is that her? Is that her? It's been 15 years and the last pictures he had she was just, she was young and um, and all of a sudden, uh, a girl walks in kind of sheepishly and uh, sees him and they have eye contact and me. She starts crying Of course he's crying already and she walks over to the table and sits down and he's just speechless, not knowing what to say, because his last interchange with her, 13 years ago, was because the attorneys sided with the wife and separated the father from the children. And so he looks at her and he says what's your question? It's just hard for me to even tell the story. It's so powerful.

Speaker 1: 17:59

And she said, Daddy, was I that ugly? What John replied Daddy, you never held me, you never touched me, you never, really ever, told me I was beautiful and I just figured I was just so ugly. That's why you divorced mom. Isn't it amazing how wicked the devil can be to twist or hurt and cause a daughter to measure her own her whole life? By the way, her mom and dad got divorced and he said oh no, sweetheart, see, the problem is your dad had a really serious problem. I was addicted to pornography and had issues in my life and your mom couldn't take it anymore and she divorced me.

Speaker 1: 19:08

And it's a result of that, of that you know, I left and I was so broken and so twisted by my own sin and shame that I had that I was afraid to get too close to you so that I would influence you in some way, and I am so sorry for the way I hurt you. Would you forgive me? Sorry for the way I hurt you, would you forgive me? And she just pauses for a moment and just starts weeping and says, yes, daddy, and she jumps across the table and hugs the father that she's never been able to really hug for 13 years and just crying in his ear Daddy, daddy, I've waited for this moment for so long. And after another hour of sitting there and having a coffee and talking about life, she says I have something for you. At my home I've been waiting to show you and so they agreed to meet, gives the address, he drives, pulls into the driveway she had already scooted into the back of the house and as he's walking up to the screen door on the porch he hears through the screen door he's here. He's here and two grandchildren, and said that it probably was the greatest moment of my life to not only get forgiveness from my daughter but to be able to hold my grandchildren and have access to them. I didn't even know they existed and that's such a powerful thing.

Speaker 1: 21:18

That's just like an incredible story in the Bible about Jacob and Joseph. You know Jacob, you know thought that his son, joseph, was dead and his brothers threw him in the ditch because they were jealous of him. And long story short, god used Joseph. He interpreted dreams and became second in command to all of Egypt. You remember that story. He prospered him and Joseph wanted to restore and really protect his family and brought them all to Egypt.

Speaker 1: 22:03

And then there's this scene in Genesis there, where Joseph gets to bring his grandsons to his grandfather and Jacob noticed Joseph's sons and said who are these? Same kind of story as my friend Joseph told his father they're my sons, whom God has given me in this place. Can you imagine that moment? And what does the grandpa do? Bring him to me? He said so, I can bless him and Israel's eyes. You know Jacob. God changed his name to Israel, which means father of many nations, though his eyesight was poor from old age. He was nearly blind. So Joseph brought them close and old Israel kissed and embraced them and said to Joseph I've never expected to see his face again. See his face again, see your face again, man. Isn't that the heart of what God does when he restores us? And now God has, let me see your children as well. He's a God of reconciliation. He's a God who absolutely loves to restore our families, and you know almost every family we coach in our online academy and people that are part of our program.

Speaker 1: 23:46

They all have different histories about how they deal with hurt. How do you deal with hurt? How do you deal with the offense that happens between you and your sister or your brother. How do you deal with those things? And the quicker you learn to deal with hurt, the quicker the healing comes. The slower you deal with the hurt, the more chance of bitterness starts rising up between you and your brother, your brothers and your sisters. And God wants to fix that because the more you have that in your story, the more damage that's going to do. And I want to share just a couple of scriptures with you as we kind of you tie this together and because it's just so important to you know, really understand the power that you know God has brought you and brought me when we really learn how to forgive and be a blessing.

Speaker 1: 24:54

Let's see if I can find this slide here. Here we go. Yeah, here, let me get. Okay, here we go, let me take it down. Well, here's Colossians 3.13.

Speaker 1: 25:13

You know Paul writing to the church, paul writing to a real family like you have, like I have. He says be even-tempered, content with second place. What a great picture that is. And we're not talking about competing in business or competing in doing and becoming the best that you are, but he's talking about in dealing inside of a family. This whole section of Scripture. You know content with second place.

Speaker 1: 25:44

Quick to forgive an offense, and here's the standard. You need to forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you, as Jesus forgave you. Is that kind of the model that you—how you deal with forgiveness and how you bring it up? I mean, one of the tools of learning to do that is that when you sense an offense, that somebody is avoiding you— the quicker you go. Hey, you got a minute. Can I talk to you about something? It could be a son in college, it can be hanging up on the phone, it could be issues related.

Speaker 1: 26:29

How quickly bitterness gets spread around. It's kind of the fruit of the day on social media Back and forth diatribes where eventually it demonizes you, back-and-forth diatribes where eventually he demonizes you and ultimately the biggest offense that they can do is they'll call you a racist or they'll call you a Nazi. They try to find a word that could be the meanest thing they could possibly say to you, to try to somehow label you based on the hurt they feel, because they don't know how to forgive and they don't know how to ask for forgiveness. And it's not that they just want to be mean and to destroy you, it's that they're hurt and they feel challenged. And the quicker you bring in the model that Christ has given you and the quicker you deal with it in your own heart, the more you can have impact in loving whoever that person is in front of you. Because that's how we're going to be measured one day not by how right we are or how we voted politically perfectly, but how quickly we deal with forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 27:49

Because around your bed one day, my friend, if you're a dad or a mom or a grandpa or a grandma, what do you want said between you and your children and your grandkids? What do you want that question to be? You want it to be silence, or do you want your children and your grandchildren and, if you live long enough, your great-grandchildren? Or do you want your children and your grandchildren and, if you live long enough, your great-grandchildren to tell you how much you meant to them?

Speaker 1: 28:40

I've done a lot of end-of-life moments with men and women in hospitals, as a know this last 40 years. I've said goodbye to some great friends and I remember those moments of being with them and leaning into their ear and saying them, telling them something that I absolutely love about them and that's powerful about them, and that's powerful. And when you don't have those moments, it's devastating, because how do you measure your life if you're not surrounded by people who you know, you've made a difference with, and, as a father, is there anything more powerful than that? I don't think so. And so the Bible goes on and talks about well, how do we get to this place?

Speaker 1: 29:23

Well, it starts out and we all know this verse, if you've been a Christian for more than a minute if we confess our sins, if we confess our sins and the quicker you get through that first word it could be when I confess my sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, there's something really powerful. When we admit that we're broken, you want to take it to a whole new level. There's something altogether even more powerful than that. When you model that forgiveness and go to your children and ask for forgiveness, it's powerful. First you go to God, next you go to the person that maybe you've hurt. Because how are your children going to understand what forgiveness is about if they don't have a model? Right now, their model is this little device right here, and they're watching how the celebrities deal with people that offend them. Man. What do they get? Man, it's ugly and it's something that we got to do and we're all over it.

Speaker 1: 30:44

It's part of what we do in the ministry, in our posts and in Facebook and Instagram. If you follow us at all, would you like it and share with your friends? You can be one of my evangelists and help me spread the word, because that's what we've got to do. Spread the word, because that's what we got to do. That's what we can do, more than anything else in our life for our families, is to model this incredible verse that John speaks if we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He doesn't just forgive us because he died on the cross for us, because that forgiveness was bought, it was paid for a price In a real way. We were pre-forgiven, but we're not until we receive it from Him.

Speaker 1: 31:38

There's not healing to that place in our life. There's not healing that separation of relationship. It's the same with your children. It's the same with your friends. Maybe you've got a friend out there that you haven't talked to in 20 years, or a son you've been sideways with. It's never too late to repair that relationship. It's never too late to repair that relationship. It's never too late to connect to them and to move. Well, maybe they're not ready to talk about it. Well, you just keep asking. Maybe it's between you and your wife where you still approach her, you still love her, you still reach out to her because it's so important to heal that. Or you end up just living in the same house and becoming kind of partners in the enterprise of having a building that's called a home or a house, and you cease to be lovers and you cease to be tender.

Speaker 1: 32:38

If you're getting that pushback from your wives, you're getting that pushback. You know your way back in is to go to the Lord and say God, I think I've withheld forgiveness from my wife, I've been angry with her, and you can tell those people because you avoid them. But when the Bible says, if we confess our sins, he's faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and the power of that is he cleanses us from all the stuff that isn't in our mind, that we haven't even confessed yet. But we're going to the One who has the power to give us a mercy that's so profound, so lasting that once you tasted that mercy in your life, you can't wait to, in gratitude because of what he's done, for you, to give that same mercy to other people. So who are you sideways with? I mean, is there somebody that you're sideways with and you've not forgiven yet? So I'd like to pray with you right now, just in that. Thanks for your comments of you guys on Instagram and X and all those places. I appreciate you so much that you're tuning in tonight.

Speaker 1: 34:01

But think about who are you still holding on to? Who are? When you think about you can find out who they are because they're on your avoid it all cost list. You might see them at church and walk the other way. You might see them in a grocery store. It might be a neighbor that you live next to. Anybody have a crazy neighbor, I mean, it might be a lot of things. It might be the people that are, you know, throwing politics in your face all the time and belittling you. Who knows? But how long are you going to allow? Because, see, you don't forgive. You allow the other person to hold the key to the prison of bitterness that you live in, but as soon as you forgive them the way Christ has forgiven you. Guess what happens? You unlock that door and that's powerful.

Speaker 1: 34:58

Can we pray, father? I thank you for my friends that are watching. I ask you to be with them. I pray, lord, that they would learn to keep a much shorter list than they have and they even go before you right now and just say lord, if there's some way that I'm still holding you know hostage in my heart because of the way they treated me, lord, I pray you would just give them grace right now to bring that hurt to you and they could say Lord, forgive me for withholding that forgiveness, so that I can forgive them completely in my life. And I pray, lord, for an opportunity where they would go to that person or call them on the phone or write them a letter, not just to tell them, boy, I've forgiven you, you were a dirty dog. But they would write a letter to reconnect and to begin to talk again. Lord, I pray you would heal families. I pray you would heal relationships. I pray that you would use my friends who watch this on one of the social media platforms that the Father Difference Live and that forgiveness would become the fruit of their life and not the bitter seed of bitterness that's trying to destroy our families. It's in the name of Jesus that I pray, and all God's people said amen.

Speaker 1: 36:28

Love the comments, keep it going. Just so grateful for any of your comments that you're sending our way. If you don't know, we have a number of things to offer to you tonight, and that is if you've not gotten a copy of my book, make sure you get one. We also have a daily devotional that goes out every morning that'll hit your mailbox, which is a word for today and kind of a word from the Father for you today, to help you connect, to be that man, that husband, that father, that son, that daughter that God has called you to be. We live in a wonderful time in the world, and I say that because people who have evangelistic hearts, like me, get really excited when the culture gets riled up, because I know God is doing something that's so much bigger than this political situation right now. You know what he's doing he's perfecting his church, his bride, and he wants to add a whole lot of people to the dinner party. So bless you and thank you for tuning in tonight. I love your emails If this has blessed you and you want to support us so that we can keep doing this.

Speaker 1: 37:50

I see he's going to put another link on the screen and you can go to our website at thefatheredifferencecom and donate, be a monthly partner. That would help us the most and to help us reach more people to give more books away. And, by the way, your support, if you've been a supporter, has allowed us to get our book downloaded for free. And you know I might have the numbers just a little bit off, but I think it's close to 128 different countries Think of all those people, groups where the Difference of Father Makes book has gone to.

Speaker 1: 38:28

And it's just so exciting that God took a little book about a story of a broken football player that got turned into a father to be a best-selling book that is really literally going around the world and it's available free for you or anybody that you know. It's such an important thing to talk about today and I would love to hear from you. You can reach me at pastor underscore ed at the blessing of the father dot com If you want to send me an email and respond to the show and tell me what's blessing you, how it's touching you or things that you think we could do better. Anyway, remember, my friend, it's never too late for God to do an amazing thing in your life. The Lord bless you, keep you, make your face to shine upon you and give you shalom. Give you peace in your family. In Jesus' name, and all God's people said amen, bless you. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next week.

Speaker 1: 39:36

If you're part of our men's academy, we're going to get started at six o'clock. If you're part of our men's academy, we're going to get started at 6 o'clock. Icma might put a link in there If you've never signed up and you want to sign up, become part of that. There'll be a banner that's going to go up here any second, any second. There it is. You can grab that, take a screenshot. If you sign up, you can join us tonight at six o'clock. We meet every week at six and it's for men only and it's all about growing together with a bunch of guys who really want to become the men, husbands and fathers that God's called them to be. Grab that link. Bless you, praying for you, excited to be with you. See you next week.