The Father Difference
This podcast is about helping dads become better fathers.
It’s for dads who want to make a big difference in their kids’ lives (and be the best dads they can be) and want their children to have a loving and present father to help them.
It’s the reason we call it The Father Difference.
When God the Father makes a difference in us, we can make the same difference in our children's lives.
Imagine being the father God desires you to be, actively contributing to your children's dreams and future. Being a dad in their life story is crucial, and I believe it’s your most important role in life.
It only takes one Loving Father to change the course of a family for generations - and one perfect heavenly Father to begin the process in us.
We will post new podcast shows weekly.
It is our hope that The Father Difference will equip you to become the father you were meant to be.
I have coached and equipped men for 34 years in 14 countries.
Will you Join Me?
Praying for you - Ed McGlasson
The Father Difference
Healing the Fatherless Wound
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What kind of father do you want to be? What kind of man do you want to become for your family and for yourself? If you've ever wondered how to step into the fullness of your role as a father, husband and man of God, then you're in the right place. Here at the Father Difference, our mission is to inspire and equip men to be the best fathers they can be. It's a powerful mission and today we're going to explore exactly how you can take steps toward that calling. Whether you're a father, a son, a husband, grandfather, single dad, stepfather, or just looking to grow, I believe God has something powerful for you in today's message. Whether you're tuning in live or watching this later, we are so excited to have you here. If this is what you're looking for, then subscribe so you can tune in each week to the Father Difference Live. You can sign up below and now your host, a husband, father, grandfather, author and former NFL player, pastor Ed McGlashan.
Speaker 2:Hey, well welcome. I'm your host, ed Tame McGlashan. I am really excited about sharing with you today about this subject that's just coming right up and in the midst of everything that's going on our elections, our culture, our families really about this whole understanding of the power of a present father, there's something that happens when we're present that makes all the difference in the world, and when we're absent, we're going through this book, the Father You've Always Wanted. If you've not gotten a copy, we're going to give you the link in a few minutes so you can get your own copy on our website. You can get it also on Kindle. But there's something powerful that you carry, guys, that cannot be replaced by social media, an iPhone, anything else. I mean we got kids right now trying to find out who they are every single day from this, talking about getting neurotic the more you watch this. So you know you're looking for some kind of answer to why you still hurt. You know why you don't feel confidence in what you're doing, why it's so hard for you to kind of be about what you've been made for, why you get stuck as a young person and don't have the courage to step out of those things, or why you get stuck in your own story to the point that it's a devastating thing in your own story to the point that it's a devastating thing. And here's the other one that's even more devastating Repeating the same patterns of your father and being stuck the way he is.
Speaker 2:Well, we saw this on the national stage this past week and I want to share with you about Liam Payne. Remember Liam Payne, the boy band British-Irish boy from band one and had a complicated family life. His parents, jeff and, were divorced when he was a child. Liam's dad, reacher, says Jeff struggled with addiction and had been open about his past struggles with substance abuse. Well, in 2019, liam Penn publicly addressed his father's addiction. Imagine the son coming out now. He's famous, he's all over the world and he states he's talking about the impact that his dad's addiction had on his childhood. And today Jeff Payne has made efforts to recover and rebuild his life. And rebuild his life, liam is now focusing on his music and his personal well-being.
Speaker 2:That was in 2019. And this past weekend there was some kind of crazy accident and Liam Payne fell to his death from a balcony and his dad's down there. The grieving's going on. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a son and lose a son like that. And yet, as fathers, we have been marginalized and demonized in the culture right now. That, in a real way, blames everything on dads but offers no cure. And though we have incredible impact as fathers, when we're absent in our kids' life, it causes wounds in them that, by the way, you can at any point go back and make right. We've worked with fathers all over the world and I've yet to see a dad whose own heart wasn't—when his heart was turned by God towards his children, something incredible fantastic happened between his sons and reconciliation begins to happen.
Speaker 2:I had a dad get a hold of me from Florida, the state that just had the horrible hurricane, and he had read my book, the Difference a Father Makes, which we give out for free, and it's in over 230-some countries now the digital copy and he asked me this question is it too late for me to get my son back? My son and I work in business together. We've not spoken intimately for years. I spent all my time as a dad driving him to be a great businessman, but I realized after reading your book and our relationship is surely lacking in his heart and I've been stuck and, man, what a painful thing, what a painful thing for a son to experience. And yet he said I don't want to die, I'm turning 90 years old and I don't want to die before I make things right with my son. And I said, well, you don't have to. And gave him a question to go into his son's life and to really, you know, be present with him and in a real way help his son deal with the hurt and they had. What he wrote back to me was a world-class conversation to where he was able to ask for forgiveness and bring healing to his son that he knows that he caused as a father that was completely focused on business. He caused as a father that was completely focused on business.
Speaker 2:So before we get into the material tonight, I just want to make a promise to you of something that I have watched happen over and over and over again, because inside the heart of your son or your daughter, dad, is a need to have you in their story. Maybe you're divorced and separated and only see them once in a while. Maybe your wife has done her best to keep you completely away from her son and your son, but they need you in their life. And I'm going to tell you there's nothing that's more powerful or more profound in the life of your children than when you learn to be a loving, present father. There is nothing more important for you, and the better you are at doing that and the better you are at connecting and asking for forgiveness and pursuing them, the bigger impact you're going to have on your grandkids if they have some Because that relationship that you build with your son, as God heals it, will then begin to grow in profound ways towards your grandchildren and you'll watch those things that you have done and made right with your son become incredible fruit in the life of your children. God made you to be a great father and a great husband. You to be a great father and a great husband. God made you to create a destiny and a legacy with your children.
Speaker 2:That no form of entertainment, no distraction, no success—because here's the sad thing about Liam's story. That's the true thing that nobody really talks about in the articles about his life His rise to fame going on you know one of those shows I don't remember exactly which one, what he discovered, america's Got Talent or the British version of that and then rising to fame as though fame in itself will give you the name and the identity that you've always wanted. And here's a boy who had made a pledge that he's glad his dad has gone through recovery and that he himself is going to be the better for it. And now the son is reaping the fruit of the father's brokenness and ends up dying with what they said, that he had the residue of pink cocaine in his body, which I have no idea what that is. All I know is that the wicked result of when the devil finishes devastating you as a human being with drugs, that end is most often death. And just think about this. He hit the pinnacle of his career as a musician and now he's no more.
Speaker 2:And we've seen this story over and over and over again and so many times the reporting about their lives is. It's about you know, it's about how fame can do you in Well, I disagree. I think there's a lot of temptations in fame, but if you know who you are and you're not carrying around wounds, you're of temptations in fame. But if you know who you are and you're not carrying around wounds, you're trying to fix with fame, like the wound of not having his dad around as a kid that was never really reconciled—and I know this that that dad right now is hurting. You should pray for him, father. We pray for him and his incredible laws, because there's nothing more painful for a father than to lose the heart of his children and then see them end in destruction the ultimate end of what happens when the devil turns those wounds our kids have into the fruit of them, trying to heal the same thing that dad didn't quite defeat. Yet that's something else I've learned, that you know. Those things in me that I bring to the Lord and confess to my kids that I end up getting victory in Christ can become the new starting point and a roadmap for my sons and my daughters when those temptations—because they come to everybody to be able to deal with that in their life. And it's not enough to hate something that your father did and promise to never do that again. The issue is we all need to be re-fathered, we all need healing. Even the best dad has flaws, and how tragic it is when sons end up living in that place in their own life, and so you know my heart goes out to this dad. What a tragic thing. And so let's talk a little bit about this.
Speaker 2:Here's a few things. You probably already know these, but according to the US Sentence Bureau, there's over 19.7 million children more than one in four live without a father in a home. That's in our country. You want to look at the composite of what's happening in election today. When's the last time fathers have been celebrated? When's the last time we've had fathers? And you know, when we have a candidate who's a loving dad, that's a rare thing. That's what we want. We want somebody who has a value for family.
Speaker 2:Look at this one 47.6% of fatherless homes live in poverty. They have four times the risk of children from two-parent homes. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes 63%. What would happen if we could fix that and help dads and this is in no way, by the way, this is in no way trying to browbeat any dad. I mean, here's the truth when you are present. I mean here's the truth when you are present 63% of kids who commit suicide. Don't do that. I mean, just think about that. When dads are present, their children aren't going to go towards that horrific end of their own story. Here's another one 85% of youths in prison are from fatherless homes 85%. And so what do they do. They want to spend more money on fixing up the facilities and get better programs and better rehab, but they don't solve the issue of the wound. That happens when a dad is never taught by his own father how to be a present father, and so they just keep putting a Band-Aid on it. The result is it doesn't work. It doesn't work, or we would have fixed the problem a long time ago. Here's another one. Look at this Teen pregnancies. 75% of teen pregnancies happen in fatherless homes. I mean, there's something that happens when dad is home and dad is with daughters.
Speaker 2:I remember a young suitor coming to my house one day who wanted to date my daughter Mary, and she was in high school and it was a big dance and you know there was a. He came in and I made him really nervous, which that was my plan. I didn't have a shotgun in the in the room where I was cleaning it. I've thought about that and he wanted to come and ask permission to take my daughter to dance to prom and Mary wasn't dating him. He just wondered. So he comes in, he comes in my room and he looks at me and I am measuring him up because I've been taking my daughter, Mary and Jessica, out on dates to sort of condition their hearts to know when they're dating a man and not a boy Well, there's not a lot of men in high school. And so he comes in and it's really nervous and I say what's up, what would you like? And he says I want to have your daughter. Man.
Speaker 2:When he said that, I looked at him and I said the hell, you are no, what?
Speaker 2:No, you can't have her.
Speaker 2:But what I meant?
Speaker 2:I meant I want permission to date her. I said no, he goes. Why not? I said, son, I don't think you're man enough to handle my daughter. My daughter's been a woman since she's been 14. When I blessed her, she's a profound woman and she'll eat you alive. You're just—he says well, what do I need to do? And I said well here. And I handed him my book the Difference a Father Makes. And I said go read my book and when you're ready, then I'll give you permission to take my daughter out. And now you've got to understand something. Ready, then I'll give you permission to take my daughter out. And now you got to understand something. I got permission from my daughter to talk to this guy and my daughters trusted me to help them make a choice.
Speaker 2:Now that took a lot of work as a dad being in my daughter's lives. Now that took a lot of work as a dad being in my daughter's lives. And when you disconnect from them and they only talk to mom, let's say, or their girlfriends those basic questions that every little girl has as she's growing up and her body's changing and all those things, there are questions that only a father can answer, and that's the same to go with sons. And so when that daughter is not around you as a dad, many times she will look for a boy, a male, to maybe meet some of those needs that she still carries. And boy. That's one of the big dilemmas out there. But that's also your protection as a dad.
Speaker 2:Let's go back here Now. Look at this Behavior disorders 85% from fatherless homes. That's 20 times the average. I mean you just being there in the life of your children regularly can keep them from these behavior disorders and anger and all kinds of things, even mental and emotional trauma problems that they have in their life. Look at this 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes 80%. See, when you are a present, loving dad in the life of your son and you are modeling to him how a man treats a woman, how you date your wife, how you treat her, how you're tender with her. He gets a model from you on how to treat a girl.
Speaker 2:Now, when the devil tries to remove you out of the story of your sons and daughters and you're left to—he's left now to go to this and check out how people are dating and hooking up, and I'm convinced that part of the devil's weapon against our children is to overly sexualize our kids from a very young age so that the devil can determine their gender. The devil can determine all those things about them when they first are intimate and sex. All that stuff. And Hollywood is being used so many times as a wicked tool of the devil himself to infiltrate, to get the heart and the gender of your children so they can be the ones to inform them about why they have passions. Well, we have passions because we're all tempted. But being tempted doesn't mean we become what we're tempted by. And one of the quickest ways to help a young child fix that is when they have a dad who talks to them about all these things. And guess what? Nobody. But you can do that.
Speaker 2:And then look at this 71 of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. Nine times the average. I mean 71%. I remember seeing that. It just makes sense. So many single moms are working themselves to death to get their kids through school and they don't make it to the end and don't graduate. It has nothing to do with them not being smart enough or they can learn, but it's nearly impossible not impossible, but nearly impossible for a mom to raise a son or a daughter without a father, because they will be lacking.
Speaker 2:But here's the good news If you're a mom or you're watching this as a mom when God's in your story as your own father and you model what it's like to be a daughter of a father in heaven, you don't live in that statistic and God will come through for you in profound ways. You know how I know this. Well, guess what? I played football in the National Football League, wearing this jersey, with a lot of guys who were raised by their mamas, and their mamas were God-fearing, they loved Jesus and they modeled the life that they wanted their sons to have, even though their dad was not around. And you know, on draft day, draft day is an amazing day for guys to go up there and put on a jersey and get on a new team, and it's a powerful moment and it's more rare than it should be where both the dad and the mom are up there.
Speaker 2:I can't tell you how many friends of mine who ended up making it to the Super Bowl when the father, who is never in their story, showed up all of the sudden at the hotel where they were staying before the game, wanting tickets and wanting to reunite with them so he could live in the lifestyle his son lived, and I can't tell you how painful that was for those sons that their dad showed up when they were successful because he wanted money, he wanted the name. It's such a profoundly painful thing. And why is that so profoundly painful? Because that son wants his dad in his story. You wanted your dad in the story, no matter how good, no matter how bad he was, you still wanted him. And when he was not in your story, it was incredibly painful.
Speaker 2:So how does God, how is God going to fix this in us? And I've shared some of these things with you, but I want to share some more with you tonight, just in reminder of what's going on the fatherless wound that began when Adam broke his relationship with God, the Father in the Garden of Eden has plagued mankind ever since. Today, the fatherless wound is deeper than most of us are aware of and it's responsible for the leading social problems in our society. I just gave you all those statistics. The fatherless wound desperately needs healing and you can't heal it through a government or a program or money or free handouts. You've got to heal it with a dad, with a father. Look at these statistics. You might be thinking was one of the kids who didn't have a dad in the store. Or maybe your dad was present physically but emotionally absent. Or, even worse, maybe you were abused by your dad. I mean, how do you heal that fatherless wound in your life so that you can become the man, husband and father that God has called you to be? That's how we're going to close our session together. How does God heal that?
Speaker 2:I can't tell you just the trauma I met, saw in men I played football with, who did not end well, who had abusive driving fathers. The opposite they were present but they were demanding and they were driving their son. I remember I won't mention his name, but we had a trainer on this team I was playing with and his son. He was training him to be the maximum athlete he could be. He introduced his son to all kinds of things. He introduced him to steroids, he introduced him to the best training methods and he was one of our trainers on the Rams. Remember him talking about his son and he drove him and that son ended up becoming a quarterback. I won't say his name because you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, but his son ends up going to a major university and playing quarterback and having a shot in the NFL and is blown up and was devastated in his life.
Speaker 2:And part of this is that when your father is driving you to become something and you don't become that something, then who are you? And, at the end of the day, liam Payne, whose dad was so excited about him becoming a rock star that when he ends up becoming a rock star, it wasn't enough. And the only way he could deal with the trauma of arriving at the pinnacle of life and still being absolutely empty is the devil offers in this perfect scenario of well, man, if you don't feel it, feel it, hear, smoke this, snort this, shoot this and you can get the euphoria that you want, and when they taste that, their body now craves that in their life and they need freedom. They need deliverance because it's the ultimate—it happens with movie stars and famous people. It also happens with people that aren't famous, where that world is introduced to our children, to our grandchildren, and the devil's offering it to heal something they carry. And guess what? Maybe you're the healing dad in the life of your children. I know that from my own kids and my own story. My kids were on that path.
Speaker 2:And so how does God heal those wounds in us? Well, here's the first picture. God, the Father, sent His only Son, jesus, to open the door to the only Father who can heal the wounds inside of us. Jesus finished the work on the cross, paid for every one of our sins and gave us the right to become the children of God the children of God. So God did that in your story, in my story. If the wound you carry comes from your father, isn't it best healed by a perfect dad? This occurred to me one day when writing this book. Our Heavenly Father, he's the perfect Father. Jesus does not leave us in brokenness but offers us a way to wholeness. He came bearing the greatest gift, the Father's love we've always wanted and that we've always wanted to receive.
Speaker 2:So how does God heal an absent father? Well, how does he heal you when you know maybe you're feeling the tug tonight that there's places in you that still need healing, but there's things that you wish you would have done differently as a dad? It's not too late. So I want you to look at this next verse with me. He goes on to say by adopting us as his beloved sons and daughters. That's God's plan. We might have had a great birth father or a horrible birth father who's absent all her life. God's plan for both groups is to adopt us as his beloved sons and daughters. Now look at this verse. When the fullness of time had come, god sent forth His Son, jesus, born of a woman, Mary, born under the law, to redeem those who are under law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. God's plan is to bring you into a place where you get connected to the Father. He modeled the life from the Father of all creation. The one he talked about lived for only did what he saw doing.
Speaker 2:And when Paul writes these words, he uses that word, adoption, which is just such a powerful picture. And it says in Ephesians he predestined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ. We have been predestined not only just to be saved, but to be adopted according to the purpose of His will and to the praise of His glorious grace, which he has blessed us in the Beloved. He's blessed us in Christ. Ephesians 1, 5, and 6 says and so the Greek word for adoption is euthysia, which actually literally means—it was a ceremony in Rome—which means to place as the son. There was a ceremony called the adoption, where a Roman father would take one of his children, usually the oldest child, the oldest male child, and he would adopt him publicly in a ceremony before the culture, and place him in the new role as a son. And the reason why is because his children were not entitled to His inheritance until they were officially adopted by that Roman father.
Speaker 2:And Paul is teaching us right out of that incredible truth back in that day, that God, the Father, has an inheritance for you and I as His children, but we're not going to be able to receive it until we've been placed as a son, until we have been adopted as a son. What an incredible picture that is. And it goes on to say you know, he adopts us so he can give us an inheritance as a son or daughter. That's God's plan all along is to give you an inheritance in your life. Maybe you had no inheritance from your father. God wants to give you that, and because you are sons, paul writes in Galatians God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying Abba, father, so you're no longer a slave, but a son. If a son, then an heir through God. Wow, think about that, god. You've always been one of God's children, but God Himself wants to adopt you as a son. And why is that so important? Because the Father wants to bless you so that you can become the father he wants you, that he has always wanted you to be. And when you receive that adoption for yourself, it will change your family.
Speaker 2:So here's the next step we're going to pray at the end, but before I have an online course that I have written to help you become that husband or father your family needs. It's a video-driven course and we're offering it right now and we're going to give you a taste of this. You can sign up for free right now and it's a donation-based program in the future that we're going to ask you to support us to give it away to other men as well called how to Become the Husband or Father your Family Needs, and we're going to give you a link to that before we get off of our time together. But maybe you're in a space right now when you're saying interspace, right now when you're saying, hey, ed, you are speaking right to me and you want to have a different story with your kids, and so how do you receive this for yourself? Well, you saw it right in Scripture.
Speaker 2:That's what God wants for you and me, and so I'm going to pray for you. I want to pray for you like a dad, like a father who blesses a son, because God, the Father, wants to bless you. And so if you've still got places in your life where you need God to father you, so that you can be the father and husband your family needs, just open your hands and let me pray for you. Father, I just thank you for my friends that are watching. I'm so grateful to be able to be here and to share this amazing truth. I thank you, lord, that you I moved from being a football player to being a son, to being adopted by you, and how that revolutionized my heart, lord, and gave me the confidence, security and the true identity you have called me to have. I pray for my brothers that are watching and sisters if there are sisters watching, that you would bless their lives, and maybe your dad was never able to say this to you. But the Father says, just like he did to Jesus on the river when he baptized Him if you got Christ, you will hear these words you are my beloved Son, in whom I love too. He blesses you today. He's going to fill you today. He's going to give you everything you need to be the father you've always wanted to be. Now, bless them, holy Spirit, touch them, minister to them, use them in the name of Jesus. Bless them right now, heal whatever wound they still carry and take them on a journey of being fathered by you In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 2:You want to be part of that journey? Well, my assistant's going to put on the screen a slide and you can sign up right now for our course. You can get the book and you can sign up for how to Become the Husband and Father and join our academy. We actually have an academy called the Father Difference and you can go there right now. You can sign up right on our website right here. Click on that link, go to the father dash the dash father you've always wanted and you can get access to the course and and follow along with us in in the academy and it would be an honor to help you.
Speaker 2:If you want some help and you also want something daily that to be in your inbox to help you kind of build on what we're building here, I also have a free devotional it's called Time With my Father and it will come to your inbox every single day. We have thousands of people that receive it every morning and so if you'd like to have that, you can grab that link as well. I'm so grateful that you're here. There we go. If you want to hear from God, the Father, every day, like Jesus, grab that and the closing screen.
Speaker 2:You know, if this ministry is blessing you, you want to become a friend and a partner, you can also go to our website and help support us so we can continue, because it's friends like you that enable us to be live every week and to reach all the men that we're reaching right now in many, many countries, and I'm so grateful that you're helping us do this. Remember my friends, it is never too late for God, the Father, to bless your life so you can be a blessing in the life of your family. In the name of Jesus, amen, don't forget, go vote. Go vote for the candidate that will help you become the best husband and father you can be. God bless you.
