Leading Your Wife With Understanding And Honor

If you’ve ever wondered why doing “all the right things” still doesn’t bring peace at home, we go straight to a surprising possibility: the way we love our wives is tied to the spiritual power we’re asking God for. Pastor Ed gets personal about learning to be a husband without a clear model and why our families feel the weight of that learning curve.

We build the conversation around 1 Peter 3:7, where husbands are called to live with their wives in an understanding way, show honor, and remember that she is a co-heir of the grace of life. Ed explains how treating your wife as “less than” doesn’t just damage intimacy, it can hinder your prayers. That shifts marriage from a private relationship problem to a discipleship issue, where spiritual leadership looks like humility, tenderness, and consistency.

If you want stronger Christian marriage habits, clearer biblical husband leadership, and a more grounded prayer life, listen through to the end. Subscribe, share this with a man who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the Father Difference.

p.s. Visit www.thefatherdifference.com/links for a free book download and information about personal coaching.

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Transcript

Welcome And Mission

SPEAKER_00 1:06

What kind of father do you want to be? What kind of man do you want to become for your family and for yourself? If you've ever wondered how to step into the fullness of your role as a father, husband, and man of God, then you're in the right place. Here at the Father Difference, our mission is to inspire and equip men to be the best fathers they can be. It's a powerful mission. And today, we're going to explore exactly how you can take steps toward that calling. Whether you're a father, a son, a husband, grandfather, single dad, stepfather, or just looking to grow, I believe God has something powerful for you in today's message. Whether you're tuning in live or watching this later, we are so excited to have you here. If this is what you're looking for, then subscribe so you can tune in each week to the Father Difference Live. You can sign up below. And now your host, a husband, father, grandfather, author, and former NFL player, Pastor Ed McLasson.

Identity Beyond Roles

Co-Heirs And Hindered Prayers

Love Her Toward Faith

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It's uh Tuesday, March the 17th at 5.02 p.m. Been looking forward to connecting with you as we're talking about what's it really take to lead our wives to the calling of God and to unlock her to be the woman that God really wants her to be. Spending a lot of time these days with marriage counseling and relationships and a part of our fatherhood academy. And you know, when you when you coach a lot of people many years, years might not look like it, but I've been, gosh, I'm I'm approaching almost 40 years of doing ministry full-time and uh pastoring and coaching and working with men, working with families. I began to notice, and this month being the month of it's really to honor women this month. It's kind of a national holiday. And so I start, I thought I'd just uh take a few minutes and kind of share with you some things that I've learned about loving my wife. I mean, you know, helping her, you know, really become everything that God's called her to be. And, you know, I when I I remember our my dad's you know wedding, here's an image of my dad getting married at the Naval Academy and in all the splendor, and and here's me singing a song at a church, and to my wife walking down the aisle. There's my there's my big friend Brian Holloway there, as we're you know, I'm getting ready to start this journey and get married. Being a father. You know, I I just thought now that you know I I'm getting I'm married now and you know everything's gonna kind of just work out, she's gonna be a great wife, and which she's been for so many years. And I'm gonna be just I'm just gonna fall into this role, but I don't know about you, but I I started out in a lot of my roles of being a husband and being a partner to Jill, is I didn't really have a clue. I didn't have a clue on on how to unlock her and be in her story the way she needed me to be. Because uh, why do you think your your wife married you? I know you're amazing, you're good looking, you're talented, you're wealthy, you know, all those things. And she thinks she's uh marrying Prince Charming, and she wakes up and realizes that uh uh the frog still needs to be kissed to be turned into the prince. And you know, and so part of what's your role as uh as a man to you know really unlock her into everything that God has called her to be. And so what are some of those things that you can do and be? So I'm gonna I wanted to just kind of talk from the heart tonight. Uh just about in a real way now as a grandpa to have 14 grandkids and fathering my children and now grandfathering my granddaughters. You learn a lot. Yeah you you learn a ton. And if you got grandkids, they they're amazing, aren't they? And and grant I have nine granddaughters and five grandsons, and they're just extraordinary. But sometimes I get totally intimidated by them. And it's because uh I'm not sure what to do all the time. I don't I'm not sure how to how to connect and and kind of how to be there, how to stop telling jokes about them and make them feel bad, and how to call them out. Because I didn't receive a lot of that. Well, I didn't receive anything from my birth dad. He was killed in action as a fighter pilot, or my stepdad, who you know spent his life serving our country in the military, and he was an extraordinary man in the military. But the thing I was missing was, and let me let me you know get really personal with you tonight, and it's that when I got married, there was a lot of a lot of things in my life where I wasn't really clear about who God's made me to be. And I I thought that my life was all about the roles that I play. It wasn't about the man or the son that God made me to be, as we talk about here at the Father Difference, that our ultimate calling as a man is not the job we have, the money we have, is not about all of our roles. It's about, you know, at the end of the day, it's about God calling out and forming in us an identity that can handle all of life and all the stuff that you got to deal with, especially being married, in a time where from the the media world to even the Hallmark Channel and all these other movies that are out there and influences and pulls and the rate of divorce and infidelity and all those kind of things, is that we're working actively as husbands against the devil who wants to destroy our marriage so he can get our kids. And so I the first thing that I learned was that the way I loved my wife and to my grandchildren, their meme, was an incredible, powerful picture to my granddaughters of what it means to be a woman. They're little girls and and they watch, they they watch what I do, they they connect to me and they that they love affection, they love to connect. And for me as a NFL football player, I in an early days, I think I spent more time going, hey, hey, hey, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, because we didn't have a lot of hugging in our family. It was about production, it was about sports, it was about things like that. It wasn't about much affection. My my stepdad didn't get much from his dad. He he drove him to be a football player and a businessman, and he ended up going to the naval academy, and so it was all about achievement. And so the role of the women in our family story was about them sort of laying down their life to take care of our dreams and who we are. And so one of the first things that God began to teach me about loving my wife, and to really helping her, you know, kind of come to this place. And I mean, she was just an incredible bride. I mean, just you know, and she was the first girl, and they'd say, Well, why'd you marry her? Because the first girl that really liked me. And and so this scripture kind of jumped out to me that's been incredibly helpful for what you can do. And it says in in 1 Peter 3, verse 7, it says, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers might not be hindered. I mean, I could spend the whole show talking about this. But this is so it's so powerful, and it has so much in it for you and for me to understand. And before we get to the first part, is that I mean, do you realize that your wife is an heir with you of the grace of life? She's also a fellow heir. She's not under you, she's not over you. She's a part of this. And so when you understand the importance of her being an heir of the grace that Jesus came and died for, and she being part of that in your life, even when she's been challenging to you, even when she's been critical, even when she's been hurting, that that's a really incredible thing because you can treat her in ways that diminish her, and we don't realize it at the time, but when we do that, it hinders our prayers. When I read this, man, it just kind of boom. That the way I love my wife will will determine how many of those prayers I pray to be answered by God. Have you ever thought that the way you treat your wife will determine how many prayers that God answers in your life? And so when we're kind and when we're good and we're loving and when we're tender to them, when they're maybe giving us the opposite, is is part of treating Lim like an heir to this amazing promise of fortune that that God wants to give us in his grace. That we're co-heirs of something in a marriage. When a husband and wife are together, they become one flesh, they become co-heirs. And, you know, you know, as he's writing this, and as Peter is writing this, you know, him also being married in his life, he began to discover that it wasn't all about him. He, in his early days being with Jesus, it was all about Peter, who Christ saw him to be, his position, and and all those things. And here in Penningly's words, he's come all the way to the point of not only connecting with who God has ultimately made him to be, but Peter now realizes that the way he loves his wife also determines the breakthrough and how many of his prayers that God does in this life. Because you're I I know that I know that part of God's blessing on my life is not just my actions or this great call that I have, and Jill doesn't. I know that God answers a lot of the prayers that we pray because of my wife and me giving her a place to excel and to thrive. We talked about in the in the title, you know, that that we would what lead her to to greatness so that she would really begin to understand how powerful and how how important she is. Even if she has a role of being a mom or just you know being your lover or taking care of you or being a wife, when's the last time you saw her as a co-heir to the family fortune that God wants to give you? Not in competition, but in the way that we treat them. That's what that verse is is talking about. That amazing promise here. You know, so they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers might not be hindered. I I've actually used this in coaching uh with guys, and you know, there have been times when when guys have come to me and said, you know, I just don't feel like God's really answering my prayers. I'm kind of stuck in my business. You know, I just uh I don't know why I can't get a breakthrough. And so I I read him this verse and I say, well, maybe God, your prayers are being hindered because of the way you're loving your wife. God pays attention to that. Because see, what what we don't understand when we get married and and have that moment is that God makes us one flesh. So He even though we're two people, He treats us as one. That's why there isn't we don't maintain our isolated separate lives. We're coming together to build something together in this family and to be a model to our grandchildren and our our children and our grandchildren of what it's like when God's blessing comes upon you. And when God blesses me, he's blessing my wife, and when God's blessing my wife, he's blessing me. He sees us as a unit, not just individuals. There's just so much in in our culture that that it's screaming out, everybody wants to make it, everything about them, and yet the most powerful part of loving is when you when you make it about others. I mean, the more it's joy you have isn't just receiving love, the more it's joy you can have is when you're loving somebody who's still broken who needs you to love them. I was coaching this past month with a uh couple and I met off line with one of the husbands, not one of the husband, the husband of this gal. And he was just frustrated because she wasn't, you know, she was harsh and very critical and and and really wanted this his wife to have the same faith in Jesus that he does. He felt like we're unequally yoked, it's not being blessed, if she would just convert, then things would happen. And so I I said to him, I said, you know, was your conversion and connection to Jesus, was it the result of of how good you were?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

And he uh he said no.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

I said, How'd you get saved? Well, uh the Bible says by grace I was saved through faith. So God it's a gift of God, that verse goes on in in Ephesians. So you got saved because God gave you the gift of faith to believe in Jesus, so that when you prayed to receive him, you were saved. He goes, Yeah. And so your wife hasn't received that yet. No, she she doesn't want to go to church, she doesn't like me reading my Bible. I said, Well, you know, are you loving her in such a way that she would want Christ? And he admitted that he had spent a lot of his time trying to get her to get saved. It's kind of like uh trying to get a teenage daughter to get saved when she's dating the worst boyfriend ever with his pants halfway down his backside. And so I I said to her, It's imagine for a moment. Because see, you you you think that once your wife gets saved, then your relationship will completely change. And although I believe there's a blessing that comes when both a husband and a wife are loving each other in Christ, because we have somebody to appeal to that's bigger than both of us. That's why Christian marriage is so powerful. But I said, if she hasn't encountered the love and mercy of Jesus, how's she gonna see it unless you treat her the same you you you would treat her if she was born again and saved? Imagine if she came to you and said she went out with her girlfriends and went to church and she encountered Jesus and wants to follow him for the rest of your days. You would be elated. And I say, well, why don't you treat her like she's already on the road? Because the truth is, you know, it says there in First Peter that your your wife is a fellow heir. And I don't doubt that God's gonna, you know, do so many things so that your wife will encounter the same Jesus, but many times they don't because we we get superior with them. Or how about your kids? Have you ever quoted a Bible verse to confront them if they're not living a certain way? And you know, the I mean the the probably the most powerful prayer that a man can actually, or a statement a man can make to his children or his wife is you know, just why don't you follow me as I follow Christ? You know, watch how I live my life, and I will make I will live my life in such a way that it'll make you hungry for Jesus.

unknown 21:59

So

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Back to your wife, I was talking about. So I said to him, What if what if the your your sweet spot with your wife was that you both could go out running because you love to run? You wake up early, you know, you have your coffee and your electrolytes, and you go hit the road and you run a couple miles together. And it just feels good, the endorphins, and it's like, man, when I do that with her, it's just awesome. And and so what if she had a an accident and fell on one of the runs and she injured her leg and the doctor told her she couldn't run right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Would you be disappointed in her?

Read The Stream Like Jesus

SPEAKER_02 22:54

And he thought for a minute, he said, No, why? No, I wouldn't be. Why why wouldn't you be disappointed if your wife can't run? And he said something that really kind of opened him up. He said, Well, because she doesn't have the capacity to run right now, she's hurt. I said, You get it? And he smiles at me. He goes, Your wife doesn't have the capacity right now to to walk with Jesus. So instead of just reminding her about that, once you love her like she's your favorite running partner. See, one the the one of the most irresistible moments for people who have not come to Jesus yet is to meet a real Christian, is to meet somebody who's living the life so much so that they go, I want that too. That's such a powerful thing. Hey, back to the scripture we were looking at. So, likewise, we'll go to the first part now. We talked about part number two. Part number one here. Let's look at this. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Man, is this hard for us as guys or what? Right? In an understanding way, because I don't understand everything, but he he's talking about the way Christ loved the church, a way Jesus loves us, is uh even though he's got all truth in him and he has all wisdom, he is the word made flesh. He, you know, he you know, he was the one who you know has spoken all these things. He's the Messiah, and he's the one who was a part of the revelation of God's word. He owed everything by the word of his power, the Bible says. Everything was created was created by him in forum. If you notice, though the word understanding is kind of like it's a picture of you ever go fishing? You know what the secret of fishing is? The secret of fishing is not in your equipment. The secret of fishing is to get them to eat what you're throwing to them. And so when you're fishing and you're out there as a guy fishing, your ability to read a lake or read a stream and to figure out what the fish are eating and at what level they are, and if they're if you're a lake fisherman, or if you're a stream fisherman, what kind of bugs they're eating, if you're going for trout in the in a mountain stream, which I love to do, it changes everything. So I'll never forget, I was on a little family vacation, and and we were out going fishing as a family. My kids were really young, and my wife says, Well, why don't you go hike in the mountains and go find a stream and just go have a blast, you and Jesus, and and go out there and go fishing. And so I was like, Yeah, yeah, let's let's do that. And I went to this mountain stream above Bridgeport in Central California. And uh there's a there's a fishing tackle shop there, and I said, I'd like to learn how to fly fish. And the guy looks at me and goes, Great. I said, What do I need? He gave me some flies and showed me what to do and gave me a rod and and kind of told me how to cast it, never did that before. So I grabbed, he goes, hike up into the stream up there and have a blast. And so I did not know anything about doing it. And so I'm walking into the stream, watching off for bears, because there was a bunch of bear sightings that day. And to my left on the hill was an old timer. I would say he was about 75 years old. You could tell because he's his, you know, he was wrinkly and had a hat on, and he's stooping down low, and he's looking at this beautiful stream flowing down from the mountains, and he's walking upstream because trout are looking forward, they don't look backwards, or he'll spook them. And so he looks, he just sits there for a minute and then goes down to the water, takes out this little tiny net, he dips it in the water, and he looks at it. I can't really tell what he's doing because I'm about 50 yards away in the trees watching him. And he goes in, opens his little, it looks like a little mini tackle box. It was his fly box. He pulls out a fly and he puts it on there, and he walks in. He makes three or four casts, and the fly lands on the water and comes near a rock, and it has this little eddy. And when the water hits the rock, it flows to the right and to the left, and it flew, went right to the left. And right behind that rock, he saw a trout waiting, and it came up and grabbed that fly and he hooked it. And it was this big German brown trout. And he holds up his rod and and brings it in and brings it to the side, keeps it in the water, because he was using a barbless hook, and he unhooks him and lets him go. It was like a thing of beauty, it was just amazing. And so I went down there, he saw me, probably thought it was a big cow being an offensive lineman, and come down there making a racket, and I said, that was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. And it was just so beautiful and everything. And he goes, So what's the secret of fly fishing? And he smiles, he's working on a fly, getting another one ready, and he goes, It's learn how to read the stream and figure out what they're eating.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Because when you figure that out, you'll never get skunked.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

That's a principle. So when you're sharing Christ with your wife or your children, or you're loving her, is that you what you gotta do is you gotta offer them something that'll change their life because they see it in you. So asking questions and being patient. And I call this something I've learned about leading people to Christ, and I've you know, I have not only a grace on my life, but I have I learned from the greatest fisherman there is, Jesus, is that if you look at his sermons, he's figuring out what they're eating, what they want. He's figuring out their needs, he's weaving sermons together and understandings together that will open their heart, unlock their life.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Isn't how he got you?

Honor Her Strength In Sensitivity

Prayer And Fatherhood Academy Invite

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Did he, you know, come to you in a time where you were just desperate for something and he became the answer that you were waiting for? And not only that, the forgiveness of sin, the brokenness maybe you're walking in. He didn't treat you like an outcast, he didn't reel you in and slam you on the on the on the side to knock you in the head to kill you so you wouldn't swim away. He he uh that he reeled you in and he added you to his stream. And so when you're loving your wife and you're calling out the greatness that we talked about that's in her, one of the best ways to do that in this verse that we looked at here, and that's so powerful, is that you live with her in an understanding way because you understand exactly where she is, and you you tap in to what it really took for you to come to Christ. And at the end of the day, it was the loving, unconditional presence of Jesus who revealed himself to you in such a profound way that is what you wanted, and you bit that hook. And then he goes on, and here's the last point I want to share with you showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Boy, I didn't have any idea what that meant when I first uh read that verse. But it's not talking about weaker in that she can't do push-ups like you can, or she's weaker in sin. The word there uh in the Greek actually means she is more sensitive and understanding in a lot of ways, and wired emotionally that might appear weaker to you as a man, but is ultimately her strength, her strength that she carries is that if you let your wife into this place, you'll really learn, you'll really learn how to be loved and to love other people. I mean, just think about you know, your mom and how she served you. If you had a good mom, the the memories. Uh, I remember in the NFL, you know, moms were the heroes of most of all the foot player, football players that I knew. A lot of them were raised by moms who, you know, husband took off, and a lot of single moms. And and uh seeing them in the stands wearing the jersey of their son every week. It's just it's just a beautiful thing. It's kind of like the payback for all the taxicab drives. Think of all the places where your wife served you, and and yet in in trade, she wants from you this understanding, this this honor to where you honor her as being more sensitive. And that you really need her. You need her because ultimately she is an heir with you. And she very much wants to receive everything that God wants to give you both as being this picture together, and if you let her, she'll teach you how even to use your words and your actions to unlock her heart. That I didn't, I don't know about you, but I didn't get much of that training from my stepdad. I I got a lot of do's and don'ts. And you know, I I remember going to my stepfather after I sprained my ankle, and he looked at me and said, Oh boy, stick it in the toilet and give it a whirlpool. It's like he had no empathy. And yet I go to my mom, she'd look at me and bring out the ice bags and give me a get a wrap she already had. She'd bring me something to eat, which I wanted all the time growing up. And she'd make sure I was taken care of. That's that's that more sensitive vessel, that one that connects. And by the way, when your kids are hurting, if you pay attention to your wife, you'll pick up on that signal. Or Jill, so many times with me, will come to me and say, You go, you need to go talk to your granddaughter. You were pretty harsh with her, or you need to go talk to your son. And I'll go, oh, they're fine. You know, they they understand. But if you pay attention and you understand that you're what? Remember that scripture? Don't forget this scripture. I'd write it down, think it through. This is your scripture for this week, right? Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. So that's all I got to say about that. So I'd love to pray with you right now, and I want to pray for your marriage. I want to pray for those relationships. I'm going to pray for the marriages of your children, and maybe the marriages of your grandchildren. There's a lot of hookup and breakup going on. And a loving dad and loving grandpa who really lives out his story with his woman is such a powerful picture to your children. Because their security is directly proportionate to how you're loving your wife, or how me and I'm loving their Mimi, their grandma. And it's it's it's a powerful gift that God gives you, God gives me. And He wants to do that. So, Father, I pray for my friends. I pray for their life, I pray for their relationship, as we're honoring women this month and the amazing things. I got a great podcast for your wife on Thursday at 12 o'clock Pacific Standard Time. We're going to talk about how to unlock more of those gifts for them. And so, Lord, I we come to you as men, and we confess, Lord, that we've we've not paid attention to the fact that our wives are co-heirs with us. This isn't the individual thing. It's our dream, not just my dream. And I pray, Lord, that you would use us as men, maybe some boyfriends that are online watching in the future or husbands, that we would lay down our life for the sake of our wives and learn to bless them in profound ways. Father, I thank you so much for my friends. I thank you for these men that are here. And those men that are on the Fatherhood Academy meeting right after this time every week that we're together. I pray, Lord, that you would teach us all about being the kind of men, husbands, fathers, and grandfathers that our families need. And especially this month, show us how to be more loving and honoring to these amazing wives that you have given us. And we're stewards, Lord. We're not owners, we're stewards of these gals whom you love, whom you give inheritance to as well. We pray all these things in the name of Jesus. So great to be with you tonight. I'm just so grateful to share these things with you. One little longer, just around one scripture. I want you to just pray it through, think through 1 Peter 3, 7. And if you find some other things, email them to me, connect with me. And if you don't you want to find out more about the Fatherhood Academy, got a little video right after this. You can connect with it. Love for you to be part of that. It's a great deal right now. We have a special for the first hundred that's brand new signups. And so check it out. And remember, it's never too late for God to turn around your marriage, your life, your kids' life, your grandchildren's life in Jesus' name. God bless you.

SPEAKER_00 40:18

If you've enjoyed what you've seen and heard today, and you want to know more about how to be the husband and father your family really needs, please go to the fatherdifference.com and click on the Fatherhood Academy and sign up today. It only takes one loving father to change the course of generations and one perfectly heavenly father to begin the process. May God bless you, and we look forward to seeing you in the Fatherhood Academy.